˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗
rakim dates - this girl. hes pretending. tyler wants to hate rakim for pretending - for being something hes not. but he doesn't. he doesnt think he could ever hate rakim. he just just hates himself.
its a week before the festival. tyler has a very vague outline of what hes performing. but syd doesnt nag at him. he thinks she knows - really; it feels like everyone knows. theyre all nicer to him, almost walking on eggshells round him. domo doesnt poke fun: jasper lets him wear his coats.
its weird. tyler wishes things were back to normal. everything feels feverish.
"you hungry?" jasper nudges at him. its lunch - theyre sat at the table; and tylers watching taco. hes reading the school newspaper, smirking like some idiot.
tylers never cared for the school newspaper. he does now.
"what?" he says, to taco. who looks up, with that stupid smirk on his face. he places the paper on the table for everyone to see. tyler squints at it.
PAGE 3.
—and performing in the school festival underneath "wolf gang"
>tyler okonma "tyler"
>sydney bennett "syd"
>dominque cole "domo"
& more! they will be...
"shit." syd says, through a mouthful. "that nga seriously did it?"
"took him long enough." frank shrugs, disinterested. tyler thinks frank might hate rakim. tyler told him everything.
"dominque-" domo snorts.
"im sorry, y'all could choose any name, and you chose wolf gang?" jasper mumbles. "thats the nerdiest shit ive ever heard -"
syd smirks. "it was way worse before." she looks over to tyler. he doesnt wanna talk. "what was it again -"
tyler shrugs.
"odd future." domo says. "odd future, somethin', somethin',"
tylers eyes are bored to the table. to be honest; he's not interested in their conversation. He can hear rakims voice; it's distinct. he's nearby. maybe he's right there, sitting on the table behind tyler's, or besides. he doesn't wanna check.
"ty," jasper says.
tyler glances up. "yea?"
"you okay?"
im fine. he means to say. but it doesnt come out. he just can't form the fucking words - and he just stares at his friend, long. stupid. it feels like an eternity hes just staring.
"ty?"
tytytytyty. the nicknames slowly driving him insane. all he ever can hear is rakim. its not fair. it was syd who started calling him that first. but its - its rakims nickname. it belongs to him. he wonders if rakim thinks about tyler as much as tyler thinks about him.
"ty?" its taco this time.hes still got his hands on that stupid paper. tyler wants to tear it to shreds.
"ty-"
"what?!" he snaps, blinking.
"whats up with you -" taco mumbles. "you been like this ever since rakim left."
"..why'd he leave again?" earl asks.
syd snorts. "he didnt leave - it's not a fuckin', cult.
"well he dont hang with us." domo points out. "i dont care. that nga was annoying as hell. and ugly."
"okay, serious ty, are you okay?"
"fuck rakim." tyler chokes out, instead of saying yes. why couldnt he just fucking say yes. "i fucking hate him."
he feels a shit ton of eyes on him. its unerving.
"what?" taco says, brows furrowed. "y'all were like best frien-"
"c'mon." syd interrupts, eyeing the other male. "let him talk."
he mumbles something before looking at tyler. theyre all looking at him; like theyre expecting something that explains everything to come out of his mouth. tyler wishes he knew. if he had the answers.
"its complicated." he mumbles. "i -"
he looks up from his intensive staring at the cafeteria table. maybe the world around him continues normally; but it feels like, for a moment, hes frozen there, stuck in time.
tyler sighs. he has nothing left to loose.
"i confessed to him."
immediately; a chain of reactions set off. wha- what? huh? tyler waits for someone to say something, keeps telling himself in his mind it doesnt matter what they think. or say. he wont be a fucking pussy like rakim. it doesnt matter. it doesnt matter. it doesnt matt -
"what did he say?" taco asks.
tyler glances at frank. no. he shouldnt say. but then his mind goes back to that mere conversation he had on the phone. can we still be friends? it drives him fucking insane. tyler doesnt wanna be friends. he wants to grab rakims neck and strangle him or crash into his lips and make out with him. no inbetween.
"he said he likes me too." tyler says. "but - hes a fucking pussy. and he cares about what other ngas think."
he almost regrets it because theres a wave of silence.
"like i said, he was ugly anyway." domo shrugs. "you deserve better, ty."
"right." jasper says, dapping the other male. "he right ty. dont let him get into your head. hes a freak."
"freak." frank snorts. tyler looks over to him. theres this unexplainable relief washing over him. he likes guys. and he just fucking told all his friends. and theyre all okay with it. frank shares a smirk with him.
"okay, no," syd interrupts. "i think y'all are being harsh on him. he just needs some time -"
"yea." taco agrees. "its no fair that your mockin' him."
tyler shrugs. its not like he feels any different about rakim than he did a month ago. infact, he thinks he likes him even more. but he doesnt wanna have to wait for him. its been a month. tylers sick of waiting. if rakim wanted to, he wouldve come to him already.
for once, he actually manages to get out what hes thinking.
"i dont wanna keep waiting." he mumbles. "its not my fault hes not ready to be with a guy or whatever."
"hes literally dating someone." domo adds.
"listen, i didnt like rakim at first either but,"
"damn." taco sighs. "did none of y'all like rakim?!"
syd stares at him, rolling her eyes. she looks back to
tyler.
"ty, im being serious. you cant rush him. if y'all go fast, your never gonna last. take it slow and easy."
"stop calling me that. and how?" tyler genuinely means that. nothings ever come slow and easy to him. highschool itself has felt like a quick rush. espesically with these past few weeks; days merging into days.
syd shrugs. "im not rakim." and then she glances somewhere behind him. but tyler cant bring it in him to turn around and see him; with his hands around that girls waist.
"talk to him." she says. "your taking different directions even though you both want the same thing."
tyler thinks for a moment. and fuck he almost gets up right then and there and over to rakim and tell him whatever the fuck syd said. but then the bell rings, and he jumps off his seat, already running off; its the perfect exiting cue.
"ty!" syd yells, after him. "think about it, okay?"
