Ever since I met you

Chapter 8

Today is the day I am going to my therapy appointment. School is over and I headed towards the bus stop to get to the building where I am having the appointment but I have enough time to eat. So when I got to the right stop I got off the bus and went to the nearest bakery. Room there I bought a cinnamon roll and a cup of coffee. Cheapest things you can get and it does fill the stomach for some time, tastes good as well. Once I was done I went on my phone and then it was time to go to the building and to the therapist's room.

"Hello, Lucas." Said the therapist once I walked in and she saw me.

"Hi."

"Take a seat, dear."

A few seconds were silent and then she began her ritual sayings.

"How are you feeling right now?"

"Ok, I guess."

"Did anything happened after our last appointment?" I knew the answer to this.

"Yeah. My ex best friend is back in my life. We go to the same school now."

"Wonderful. And how does that make you feel?"

"Really good. I think I've been happier ever since."

We talked more about Dominic's influence on me and what I had observed from my own thoughts and feelings. Did tell her about the few fresh scars on my arms and the bullying, the one were it was morning and it being the worst they have done to me as of yet. She was kind of genuinely concerned about my wellbeing because of the bullying which I told her my promise to Dominic. She was happy what at last my friend knew of my situation. Its been quite some time since I've talked with her but I am still not a fan of telling things about myself but I have been login here for a few years or more, can't remember then it all started really.

"Anything more you would like to tell me before we are going to do some things?"

I hesitantly thought of telling her something but it was worthy to put it out into the world.

"Ever since I was little, I had a crush on my best friend and then he was gone, the crush died down a bit and now he is back and that crush is back too."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Frustrated, scared. I think because I haven't told him yet and I am afraid of his reaction."

"But you will never know if you won't tell him."

"I know."

"Do you think it is better to keep it in you and suffer that way?"

"No. But it does mean I definitely will still have a friend."

"I do encourage to try to tell him soon." She suggested.

"I'll try."

"Good."

When she gave a piece of paper and a box full of coloured pens and pencils. I was told to draw three columns and in the first one write down things I like about myself, on the second one the things I like and on the last one the things I wish about myself. It was easy to write what I didn't like about myself and wasn't hard to write the things I wished, the one about myself I liked was hard but managed to write at least two things in each column. Then I had to discuss them and she was spitting questions at me. I knew I was self-conscious about myself and didn't like quite some things about myself and this exercise did barely anything to me or so I think. Maybe I don't know it yet.

The therapist wanted me to use pictures to make kind of a collage of photos that would represent my life right now. It took me a bit of time to chose the right pictures and then after I rearrange them the way I thought was good, I had to comment as to why I chose each individual photo. We established that I was feeling lonely, I don't really like myself and that I was sort of happy but also not happy about my life. So I have no clue what that taught me anything about myself, I knew these things. Maybe because I tend to analyze myself and others around me with the situations. This session was fairly useless I think other than the first minutes where I was telling about my recent life. The sessions time was up and I decided to not go home yet and just walk around the city for a bit, mainly I wanted food as the one cinnamon roll wasn't enough.