Hate The Game (COMPLETED)

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

"Si Samuel?" tanong ko kay Yago nang magkita kami sa bahay ni Kitty para sa dinner.

"Di mo nakakausap?" he asked.

Umiling ako. "Ayos lang ba siya?"

"I mean, as far as annulment proceeding goes, I think he's relatively fine," sabi niya. Nakatingin pa rin ako sa kanya, naghihintay ng iba pang pwede niyang sabihin. "He's fine, Deanne. Don't worry—that guy's been through worse."

"Doesn't mean he's already used to it," mabilis na sagot ko.

"Didn't meant it that way."

"I know. I'm sorry," I replied. "Iyon... iyong sa nanay niya?" I asked because I knew that that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Samuel's close to his mom but when we last talked, he said that it's been long since he last talked to her. Tapos ganoon pa lahat nung narinig ng nanay niya tungkol sa kanya nung pretrial.

And his brother—I was sure it brought back bad memories.

"I'm sorry, I can't say anything dahil hindi ko rin alam," Yago replied. "But if you want to talk to him, I can arrange something."

Tipid akong ngumiti. It's not that I can't talk to him... it's just that I couldn't find the courage to talk to him. I felt... somehow responsible for everything. Minsan, iniisip ko na kung hindi ba kami naghiwalay, aabot ba sa ganito? Kung sana nagtiis pa ako nang kaunti, kung naghintay pa ako na maging mas okay siya, sa ganito rin ba kami hahantong?

Na kulang ba iyong pagmamahal ko nun sa kanya? Na dapat ba mas minahal ko siya? Na dapat mas inintindi?

Ang dami kasing what ifs.

Ang daming posibilidad.

Ang bigat sa pakiramdam.

Nung matapos iyong dinner, lumabas muna ako para magpahangin. Ayoko rin umuwi muna kasi for sure katahimikan lang ang sasalubong sa akin. Although ayokong pagusapan iyong nangyari sa pretrial, still, being around my friends brought me a sense of comfort.

"Hey... Okay ka lang?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied nung makita ko na sinundan niya pala ako.

"Here if you wanna talk."

I smiled. "I know. I'm just not in the mood for talking."

She nodded. "All right. I'll just stand beside you in silence if that's fine."

"Di mo ba mamimiss si Jax?" I asked in jest because I used to tease her back then na may unhealthy obsession siya kay Jax. I remembered when I first ask about Jax, nakabakod agad si gaga.

Pero imbes na umirap sa joke ko, tumingin lang siya sa akin na parang gusto niya na lang akong yakapin at sabihin na magiging maayos din ang lahat.

Alam ko naman 'yon.

Kaso... alam ko rin na matagal pa 'yon.

Kaya sa ngayon, tatanggapin ko na pagod lang ako.

"I've been there," sabi niya sa akin. "I used to think na never na kami ni Jax. I used to think na dapat ko na lang tanggapin na ganoon na iyong buhay ko. But... I am happy now, Deanne. I am happy because people fought for me to be where I am now. Si Jax, my friends, you... and even Iñigo..."

I gave her a small smile. "Happy you're happy," I honestly said.

"I know. And you will be, too."

"Soon."

"Yes, soon, but it will happen." I just shrugged. "The future seems bleak now, but I believe that you'll find happiness and peace soon."

Binigyan ko lang ng ngiti si Kitty. Before, she was never... religious, I think. I mean, she's got her beliefs and whatnots, pero never ko ata narinig 'to magsalita tungkol sa Diyos. But I guess prison really does change everyone. After she got out, naging religious siya bigla. Jax and Kitty go to mass every Sunday and I think malapit na ring magbible study 'tong babaeng 'to. I mean, good for her as long as she won't impose her religion on me. As long as she's at peace.