I Realize. |l.s.|

X

December 16, 2018

"Listen, I can pay you back, I just need to get some cash," the freshman says. 

"I need that money, Weston," I tell him, looking him straight in the eyes.

"I know, I know," he agrees. "Just give me this weekend. I'll have it by Monday."

"Okay," I say reluctantly. "I'm not giving you anything else until you do." He nods and heads back to the front of the school, which starts in a couple of minutes. School passes on as usual, a few people from the lower grades coming up to me throughout the day. 

Everything's been going really well recently. It's been a few weeks since I've started dealing, and I'm already making pretty good money. My grades are still shit, but mum hasn't bothered me since I blew up at her. I feel guilty, of course I do, but I said what I said and there's no taking it back. It's funny, how I seem to make everyone hate me, one way or another.

Ryan picks me up when school's over, and I'm relieved that I don't have to walk home in the snow and slush on the sidewalks.

"You're quiet," I note. He just grips the steering wheel, his jaw clenching. I immediately know something is wrong. "Everything alright?"

"Let's just head back to my place," he says, leaving no room to argue. It'd quiet the rest of the drive, and he doesn't wait for me when we've parked. I hurry to catch up, and he slams the door in my face. I scoff, opening the door gently and peaking in. He's pacing back and forth, and I stop him with a hand on his shoulder. He stills, looking at me regretfully.

"Talk to me, Rye. What's up?"

"Listen," he says, stepping closer. "I love you, babe, you know that right?"

"I love you too," I smile softly, trying to reassure him.

"Remember that when I leave," he says softly.

"What?"

"Lou," he says, tears filling his eyes. "I'm in trouble. Dante, he needs money I don't have."

"Ryan, what are you talking about?" I ask, my heart dropping.

"He's dangerous. He doesn't give people second chances, he just finds a way to get his money. I can't be here when he comes for his cash tomorrow. I have to be long gone."

"And you waited to tell me the day before?" I yell.

"Baby, I didn't know how to tell you," he tries desperately. My vision blurs and my heart races.

"You were just too fucking scared, you coward! You're just running away because you spend more money on drugs than you make!"

"I didn't mean to," he yells back. "I knew you'd react this way! You don't care about my own safety, you just want me to say so you have someone who actually cares about you!"

"Don't bring my personal life into this, Ryan! This has nothing to do with me, it's your fault!"

"What do you want me to fucking do? Stay? Get killed? It's not worth it, I'm leaving tomorrow and you can fucking bet I won't be coming back anytime soon!"

"Fine! Leave, I won't wait! Prove you're just as bad as everyone else whose ever walked out of my life!"

"Did you ever stop and think that you're the one driving everyone out?" He says, his voice too calm in contrast to out screaming match just seconds ago.

"Fuck you," I say. "You're dead to me."

I leave, slamming the door and sobbing as I walk home. It's so cold out, I'm surprised the tears haven't frozen to my cheeks. My nose is stuffy and my body feels weak, and when I get home, I just collapse in the doorway. I replay our fight over and over. What he said hit me right in the chest. I never thought he'd stoop so low, after I trusted him with all the shit from my past.

I pull out my phone, scrolling to Zayn's contact. My finger shakily hovers over it, and eventually, I turn off my phone. I can't drag Zayn into my mess, he's got his own life now, away from me. And just like always, I'm on my own.

~~

Since last chapter was so short, here's another chapter!

I'd love to hear your thoughts after that train wreck. Poor Louis has been through enough, but that wasn't the worst of it ;)