I Realize. |l.s.|

XIII

May 8, 2019

Junior year is officially over. Well, for everyone else, and for the most part, for me, too. Going to summer school is the last thing I want to do over these few months off, but I guess I had it coming. Mum told me so. We're still not great, me and her. Just because she was right about my grades doesn't mean my anger wasn't justified.

I'm glad for the warm weather. I've been locked inside, isolated from everyone, since the first snowfall. I was driving myself mad with my own thoughts. I've never done well on my own. 

Zayn's been back for a few days, and he's staying for the entire summer. I can't imagine a better way to spend the break, I've missed having him around regularly. God, I've missed it so much. I miss fighting and bickering, and I miss annoying him, and I miss movie nights with him.

I have to smoke outside only now, obviously, because if Zayn were to smell it, he'd be so pissed off. It's harder to get high and shit, since he's always around, so I use less. Not so much less that I go through withdraw, I just tone it down to a few times a week at most.

I get my grades up just enough, but I have to go to summer school for math and science because I failed those. Zayn is gonna stay at the house over the summer so I only smoke outside of the house to get the smell out. I also hide the drugs and cut down, but just a little, so things can be well hidden and seem more normal. I'm not excited I have to be secretive, but I'm so excited to have company for a whole two months.

The boys are also home with their families, although Liam's girlfriend lives near their campus, so he switches back and forth a bit. I'm so ready for this, even if it's only temporary. I'm ready to have laughter fill the house, and to have video game matches, and to order pizza every other day, and to have Harry's amazing food whenever he feels like cooking.

Me and Harry aren't close like we were, but I think we're close in a different way now. He knows I trust him, but he also knows I've been fucked up this past year. I can tell he's keeping an eye on me more, and I can't find it in myself to be mad about that. If anything, he should still be pissed about the favor I asked of him. I'll never be more ashamed then I was right then when I asked for that money.

It's warm out and we're all walking to the ice cream parlor. When Niall flat tires Zayn, Zayn trips into Liam, and they all start arguing. Me and Harry stay out of it gladly, and it's upsetting to me how nervous I am to be alone with him still.

"How've you been?" He asks quietly enough for the boys not to hear.

"Good," I nod, my heart hammering in my chest. "I'm a lot better now."

"Good," he smiles softly. "I know it's been hard but you're doing the right thing. You should be proud."

"Yeah," I smile tightly. "I am."

"I really missed this. Our walks," he grins. The tension eases a bit, for him at least. I'm weighed down by guilt. "We should do it more often. We've got all Summer."

"Eh, sounds kinda lame," I sigh, and he looks at me, laughing. He shoves my arm and I stumble into the grass, laughing along with him. I'm filled with memories that match this one.

"You just love annoying the shit out of me, don't you?"

"It'll never get old, that's for sure," I smile cheekily. 

"Unlike you."

"You're one to talk," I scoff. "If I'm not wrong, I believe that's a gray hair you've got. It's just at he front of your receding hairline."

"I'll never win against you, will I?" He shakes his head. 

"You really won't," I answer.

We get our ice cream, all of us choosing chocolate while Harry gets some sort of pistachio, and I shoot him a look of disgust when it's handed to him. He sticks his tongue out at me, and I can't help but smile. Things are finally good.

~~

Woohooo, finally a happy chapter! I love this, it takes me back to dyr days T_T

How do you guys feel? Feedback is appreciated, as always.