||2023 𝑾𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒑𝑻𝒐𝒃𝒆𝒓| 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑶𝒖𝒕𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏||

𝑫𝒂𝒚 3:𝑺𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒚 𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕

(An AU where Ponyboy turned Johnny into the police after Windrixville. Johnny was thrown into juvie and is now sending a letter to Pony. This one is really bad I'm sorry :()

Hey. I know it's been a while. I don't have much time to write letters. Ain't like I don't want to. But my handwritings' bad anyways so I hope you'll forgive me. They got me cooped up in here anyways. Pretty bad off ain't I Ponyboy? I know why you did what you did. I don't blame ya', you're the youngest and I should've been protecting you. I tried to in my own way but people got hurt over my stupid stupid choices. I'm sorry Pony I'm so sorry. I'm all alone here right now. Ain't ideal but I think this is what I deserve. You called them for good reason. I'm sorry everything I did that led to your life being made worse. It’s my fault y’know. I’m stupid and I’m not sure there’s anything I can do different. 

Four days. They put me in an isolated cell for the past four days. One time Bob's parents came by and visited me. They couldn't stop crying and all I could do was slink into my chair like a coward. I could hardly look at them. Isn't that so awful? I wish I was better. They cried and cried. The worst part is they didn’t even blame me. They kept apologizing to me in my crinkled juvie uniform. How they were so sorry that the boy they raised could do such a thing. But it was me. I killed him. I took the boy they loved dearly away from them. Dally really didn’t want me to end up here. Sometimes he visits. He’ll tell me how stupid I was to get in a situation like this one. He’s right I think.

 People kept givin’ me trouble. That’s why they separated me. Don’t know why it was me they shoved away but it is what it is. I guess it’s cause’ I’m smaller or somethin’. I miss you and the gang. Weird thing is that I miss school too. I don’t know why. It was somethin' I hated. Guess it was just somethin’ to do.

I think about that poem you told me sometimes. I still haven’t been able to make any sense of it. I ain’t smart though so that’s not much of a surprise. I can’t help but think sometimes though. I think and think until I wish my head could just shut up. It taunts me, telling myself of my failures. I don’t know if any amount of jail time could pay for my behavior. I miss you. I’m sorry Pony I’m so sorry. 

My folks haven’t visited yet. Have you talked to them? Seen them? Do they know where I am? I hope they just don’t know where I am. I guess if they did know they wouldn’t be too happy though. Maybe they’d pay attention to me though. Pony, I’m sorry. Sometimes I think about killing myself. I don’t wanna go on like this. Everything I do comes down to me. Everything I do is a burden to others. I just wanted to be good. I wish I was good. I couldn’t even do that. God. Make it stop.

I’m sorry. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore I guess. I’m rambling in my own letter. I’m sorry. I can’t help but think and I think a lot about you. I think about Windrixville. Sometimes I dream about it. Weirdly enough that was one of the best times of my life. It wasn’t a place to live though. To survive is a better way to explain it. But I miss it. I miss you. I miss the gang. I’m so sorry I ruined everything. I miss my parents. I know I shouldn’t but I do.

Anyways, I hope I see you again. Again would be nice. I’m sorry Pony I’m just so…

Sorry.

-Your best friend Johnny Cade

Tulsa Juvenile Detention Center 

Word Count:650