Ice and Fire [Female Reader x Scaramouche]

Part 18

Y/n's Pov.

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I'm aware that he is hiding a lot. I'm not even going to try to get him to spill everything. I merely have the urge to learn more about him. We  decided to go for a walk after we finished our meal. Every time he would walk in front of me, I always seemed to find myself looking at his back. I know he is  not a good person but there is something in him that..is somehow captivating.

Why is this hurting me? Why do I feel a pang in my chest every time I see his eyes, those beautiful eyes. And why do I want to stay here with him? These thoughts kept returning to my mind repeatedly. None of us spoke to each other while we were walking. He also seemed to be in his mind as well.

"Um.. Scaramouche.. Don't you think Sumeru is a good city to get a fresh start?" I suddenly broke the silence.

"And why would I want a fresh start? Do you know that I hate Sumeru? The heat is oppressive, and I do not care much for its people."

"But I enjoy it here.." I smiled to him. I anticipated that kind of statement from him. He communicated in this manner, and I eventually grew accustomed to it. Just for some reason, I felt more at ease in his presence. I had the impression that he could effectively defend me, but perhaps it was naive of me. Was he truly as harsh as he tried to portray? I was genuinely curious to know his true feelings.

I felt like he was always scared to share any weakness to me because the more I tried to get to know him, the easier it was for me to see through him.

"Why do you like it here so much?" He asked, in an almost teasing voice.

"It feels refreshing, and people here seem nice.. I always wanted to go back to Mondstadt, but now I'm growing to like Sumeru even more.." I sighed and paused for a moment before continuing. "You said that you will give me the freedom I wanted... right?"

 I really hoped he would do that, that I would finally be free and do something worthy with my life. Escape from the fatui.. and maybe.. just maybe he would agree to come along. Was I perhaps too foolish to believe that he would consent to it?

The thought of just leaving with him right now, this very moment, was enticing. To just leave everything behind. To make a new start with him. But that was not possible. I knew he was not capable of expressing his emotions, not after what he has been through. I was sure I barely knew his story.. I wished I knew more..

"Yes, I am a man of my word. You will be free to do as you please." He suddenly replied.

We kept walking around until it got so dark. We were in the middle of the woods, I was a bit scared of walking behind him so I hurried my step and came a bit closer. I didn't want to be too close to him, and yet I felt drawn to his presence. I still feared him, but I couldn't help but to feel something towards him as well.

"We should go back home.. It's getting darker.." I grabbed the fabric of his clothes trying to stop him. Although I was confident in his ability to defend both of us in the event of a threat, I simply felt more comfortable in his home. He was surprised by my sudden contact, tho I saw a small smile on his face. 

"Yes, we should." He replied.

And so we headed back home. While not too much was said between us on the way back, I felt at ease with him by my side. And so the feeling of him in my presence was making me feel confused and... conflicted.

As soon as we arrived home, we both were already so tired. At least I was tired, he never looked tired or sick to me. Sometimes I had a feeling he looked too perfect to even be a human being. I returned to my room after a thorough shower to find him asleep in my bed. I suppose he just truly enjoyed sharing a bed with me, but if I questioned him more, he would respond that he does it to make sure I don't flee. Which is absurd—why would I try to flee? I just worry that he could disappear at some time in the future..and leave me all alone.

I was tired, but not so much that I wanted to sleep. I had enjoyed every minute that I spent with him, and I wanted more. Every time he came close to me I felt safe. And every time he said my name, I felt something I haven't thought it was possible before. Was I..falling in love with him?..No.. That couldn't be right..

Although his eyes were closed as I sat down next to him, I was quite certain he wasn't yet asleep. I simply chose to observe him in silence. I could still hear his breathing, soft and quiet.  It was almost like... this was the norm, to have him next to me. As if a part of me was empty without his presence. And for some reason it made me happy, and... I smiled. Without even noticing I got closer to him and wrapped my hands around his body. I  was trying to be cautious. He let out a small groan, and I thought he was about to tell me to stop but then he gently pulled me closer to him, and embraced me back. I wanted to feel those few moments with him last forever. I did not want him to let me go... ever again.

He smelled so good.. his body was always so cold, it made me want to warm his body and soul. If only I knew how to do that... I slowly turned my head up to look at his face I  wanted to see this cold and distant harbinger's true feelings without the mask of disdain he always wore. Only if he would let me do this.. He opened his eyes and looked down at my face.

"Are you considering reliving your life from scratch? What do you want to do after you get your freedom back?" He suddenly whispered. 

His words caught me off guard, and my heart fluttered. I looked deep into his eyes, as if trying to figure out how much of my feelings were true.

"I want to start again.. with you.." These words just escaped my mouth without much thinking. I was letting myself be so open and vulnerable around him. I was worried about how he would respond to this.

"You are too naive Y/n. You know that..." He sighed and stopped mid-sentence then continued to whisper to me. "I can't allow this to happen. Promise me that you will wait until I come back from my mission, and if.. if I don't come back, you need to run away far from here and start your new life."

My eyes widened. What did he mean? What was going to happen to him...what kind of mission was that..? All these questions kept running through my mind. I wish I could ask him and I wish he could answer to all my questions. I didn't want him to leave, he always said that I have to follow him and do as he say. He is my boss overall. But, this time I didn't want to obey his rules. I wanted to answer him back, but I couldn't. I know for sure he understood that my feelings were getting stronger for him. I decided for myself that I would wait there even if I had to wait a year or more. I had a feeling he would return.

I buried my face against his chest trying to hide my tears. Why would I even cry for that matter? I always wanted to be free..and maybe it was just for the best. I was confused, what was even my purpose in all of this? My mother left me without even looking back. Because of her I  couldn't have a normal life. And the only person that promised to protect me was telling me that he will leave me too. Was I that useless..? It just felt like no one really needed me. Was he just playing with my feelings all this time..?

"I just don't want to be alone anymore..." I suddenly couldn't hold back my tears anymore. 

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Next part will be Scaramouche's pov. ~ I decided to write their points of view so you would understand their feelings more. ^^