south park x reader. gender neutral reader.
crackfic. lowercase intended.
a 17-year-old punk degenerate in their senior year makes friends with a bunch of dirty-mouthed boys. together, they form a band, cause mayhem, and ruin their love lives.
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CHAPTER FIVE: she keeps coming closer, saying "i can feel it in my bones, schizophrenia is taking me home"
🎸⋆⭒˚｡⋆ you just found out the club is supposed to put on an assembly next week, and everyone hates you for it.
the clock says it's been twenty minutes since school ended, yet here you are wandering the vacant halls. rows of classroom doors shut, an out-of-order water fountain and the flies dead inside of the fluorescent lights, small details you've noticed over and over. it's not like you're delaying your arrival on purpose, you had to get caught up with a teacher about a class... then you loitered so you wouldn't have to face the anti-bullying committee.
hell, you know what you got yourself into. that's right, this is the consequence of being an asshat and then sticking to it, you get stuck inside a room with random teenage boys who don't healthily communicate their feelings. instead, they'll make accusations of each other being gay, super fun to witness.
you see the clubroom doors get closer, and you take a sharp inhale. this is you preparing for the worst to come, neglecting the sounds of arguing and chairs scraping against the floor coming from inside the clubroom.
opening the door, cartman nearly takes you out with a flying textbook. it bangs against the lockers from across the hall and falls with a loud thud. your eyes go wide.
"oh my god?"
your eyes go from the textbook to inside the clubroom, to which appears cartman has turned into a rabid dog about to pounce on you. fortunately for you, he's being held back by the twinkish redhead and the other twinkish guy with piercings.
"what the fuck is wrong with you?!" cartman roars.
assuming this is another one of his not-so-dangerous hissy fits, you set your bag down on the table by the door. "could at least say hi," you lament.
just like that, cartman breaks out of his restraints and composes himself, leaving his two friends---if you could call them that---stunned. he clears his throat, "hello, how are you?"
you gawk, "uh-"
"i'm doing fine." his facade ends as he lunges forward at you, "what the fuck is wrong with you?!" he screams.
you jump as he gets close, but kyle fully pulls him back this time. gripping onto his shoulder he tries to get cartman's attention, "woah, woah, woah, let's all just talk first."
