Married, on paper.

76. Telling Kevin.

Mya and i walk out in the garden where the boys are running around with the dogs...  Mya has her hand in mine squeezing it really hard... Everyone had left, the house was eerily quiet minus the screams of the boys outside... We had locked the guestroom so the boys would not accidently wonder into the room... We had packed bags for us all... We were going to stay at ma's for the time being... It was ma's idea... She said we could not stay here... She was right... The room was still a mess... A biohazard with all the blood... I was going to call a special cleaning company and i knew we would not be back until it was all thoroughly cleaned... We had tidied the common areas to make sure there was nothing pointing to what had happened in that room... We were doing everything so we could leave after telling Kevin...

Maybe we did all of that first because we were dreading telling Kevin his mother has passed... While packing Mya and i made a plan... We were going to call our lawyer tomorrow so we could try to claim her body so we could give her a proper burial... So, Kevin could say goodbye to his mother in a proper manor... That he had a place to go to... To grief her... Talk to her... Or whatever he needed to deal with this... We wanted her to have a grave that was in no way linked to her husband... She did not have a family. We had learned she grew up in the foster system. So, we wanted to become her family even after her death... But most of all for Kevin... We didn't want him to forget about his mother.

I was going to talk to the contractor after everything had settled down asking him if there was a way that he could speed up the work on the house... A new start away from a house that was tainted now... I had not dared to look into the room again... The sight of Mya working on Stacy while she was clinging onto life still burned into my brain... I can't even imagine how Mya feels having done what she did... This is so much different than a patient coming into an ER... This was in our home... 

I am going to take some more time off... So is Mya... We just want to focus on the boys... I have a few more recording sessions and an interview in New York but after that i wanted my full attention on my family... Mya said she was not going back to the clinic... She was sad about it but wanted to focus on the boys... To make sure Kevin was going to settle in and he and Oliver would get along... Oliver needed to get used to not be alone anymore and Kevin needed all the support he could get...

"You two, okay?" Ma asks and we both sigh and shake our heads... "No..." Mya sighs... "Can you take Oliver inside...?" I ask and ma nods... "Hey Oliver bud... Can you go with grandma inside?" I say and he looks confused but nods... He looks back at Kevin as ma has taken his hand and takes him inside... Kevin looks scared... He looks at us with fear and hesitation... Like a caged animal ready to pounce... 

We walk over to Kevin and Mya takes his hand... "Hey sweetheart... We need to have a little talk... You are not in trouble okay..." She says and Kevin lets us lead him towards the big swinging bench... She lifts him up sitting him down... "Is everything okay?" He whispers and Mya sighs sitting down next to him... She looks at me... We had agreed that she would do all the talking a female voice probably more comforting... 

"Where is my mom?" He asks and i fight back my tears... "Sweetheart... We have some bad news..." Mya whispers her voice a little strained... "Where is my mom?!" He says this time a little louder and clearly panicked... "I am sorry sweetheart... Your mommy is gone... She has gone to heaven..." Mya whispers fighting her own tears... "When will she be back...?" He says and fuck that breaks me... 

"She will not be back sweetheart... Heaven is not something you come back from... She has died sweetheart..." Mya says and i sit down on his other side ready to jump in if he loses it... "No..." He says tears springing in his eyes shaking his head back and forth... "I am sorry sweetheart... Your mommy is not coming back... She was sick..." She whispers running her hand through his hair... "You are a doctor... You can fix her..." He says looking at Mya who looks at him with tears in her eyes... "I tried sweet boy... I really tried... But sometimes people are too far gone and even a doctor can't help..." Mya says as a tear runs down her cheek... 

"You have to! She is the only one i have... What will happen to me now!" He says crying and begging, and Mya wraps him in his arms... He resists at first trying to push off of Mya but eventually gives in... Mya holds him tight rocking him back and forth as she looks at me... She kisses the top of his head as he cries into her holding her now tightly... "I am so sorry sweetheart..." Mya whispers... "I am so sorry..." Mya says again... 

"Does this mean i have to go to my dad?" He says pushing himself off of Mya looking at the both of us with absolute terror and fear in his eyes... "I dont want to go to my dad! He will hurt me like he always hurt mommy... I dont want to go back... Please dont make me go back... Please...!" He begs looking at Mya and i... "Kiddo... You are not going back... We will do everything we can that you dont have to go back... For now, you will stay with us..."   I say as Mya is now crying wiping away her tears as his panic and fear gets to her...  We had agreed to not make him promises we could not keep as the warning of CPS lady still was fresh in out head... That if his father got away with it, he could demand his son back... We would fight for him... But it could still go teribly wrong...

"We will do anything we can to keep you safe... Your mommy wanted you to stay with us... So that is what we will do... That was her last wish..." Mya whispers cupping his face and kissing his cheek... "Why did she die?" Kevin asks Mya who takes in a sharp breath... "She was sick sweetheart..." Mya says not willing to tell him that she killed herself just yet... Maybe when he was older and better equipped to understand... 

"She didn't look sick..." He says sobbing, Mya sighs... "I know sweetie... I know... Sometimes you can't see that on the outside... She held on for you... She really tried to hold on for you... But she could not anymore. She was really tired..." Mya whispers and he cuddle into her again crying his little eyes out holding on to Mya for dear life...

"I want my mommy... I want my mommy..." He says over and over again while Mya comforts him rocking him back and forth and i have to wipe my own tears away as it is just heart breaking... "I know sweetheart... I know... I am so sorry..." Mya whispers kissing the top of his head again... 

Eventually he went silent... He had worn himself out... Playing in the garden and now the emotional news had tired his little body out... He was asleep in Mya's arms... Mya and i look at each other and i can see the pain in her eyes... "Let's get out of here..." I say and she takes a deep breath and nods... "Please..." She mumbles and i stand up taking Kevin from her arms... He doesn't wake up... He is out... I take Mya's hand in mine and kiss her... "I love you baby..." I murmur and she sighs... "Love you to..." She murmurs back...

We walk inside where ma is sitting with Oliver and the dogs in the kitchen... Oliver looks confused as he sees Kevin... "Why is he sleeping?" He whispers pointing at Kevin and Mya sighs... She sits down and i nod... "Sweetheart... Something happened to his mom... She died..." Mya says as she sat across from him... "She died?" He whispers tears springing in his eyes and Mya nods... "Yes..." Mya says and Oliver looks shocked... "Is Kevin, okay?" He asks and we shake our heads... "No bud... He is really sad..." I say and he nods... "What happens now... Is he going to stay with us?" He asks and we both nod... "That is the plan bud..." I say and he nods... "Good... He can be my brother..." Oliver says a determined look on his face and we both smile. Mya cups his face and kisses his cheek... "You are such a sweet, good and amazing boy... You will be such a good brother..." Mya says and i look at ma who is crying to... 

"We think it is time to go..." I say taking ma's hand in mine and she nods... "Yes, you can stay at my place for as long as you need..." She says and i smile... "Thanks ma..." I say and kiss her cheek... Kevin mumbles something and i freeze thinking he is waking up but no... He is just talking in his sleep asking for his mom... 

So, we leave... Lock the door behind us... We dont know when we will back... We dont know what is going to happen now... All we know is that we now have two 9-year-olds... That is not at all what we had thought going into the weekend... We had just gotten engaged... And now a family of 4... A family of 4 with a long way to go before we would get passed this... But i knew we could... I knew we would do anything to make this work... Because Stacy was right... We already loved him... And as long as we were together, we could overcome anything...