say you won't let go, sam winchester [ 4 ]

016. me time

Sam groans as he sits up after turning his alarm off. He looks back at Miranda who is still asleep. He weakly smiles, knowing it took her forever to actually fall asleep. He rests his hand on the side of her head, thumb lightly brushing over her cheek for a moment.

Sam quietly sighs, brushing hair back from her face. He gets up and quietly leaves. He shuts the door a bit, doing the morning routine of checking on the kids.

+++

Sam carries the tray of food into the bedroom, glancing up, and finding Miranda still asleep. He feels a little guilty for waking her up, but he knows she needs to at least try to eat.

He puts the tray on the bed and sits down. He rests his hand on her head, stroking her cheek. Miranda slowly starts to wake up from the touch and smell.

"Hey, you." Sam mumbles, Miranda groaning. "Made you some breakfast. Eggs, bacon, toast. Little bit of fruit."

"Not hungry." She mumbles.

"Baby, you gotta eat." Sam says.

"Not hungry." She repeats.

"Randi..."

"I just... I need a few days." Miranda sighs. Sam frowns, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Okay. Of course. Take as much time as you need." Sam tells her. He puts the tray of food on the table. "Just in case you get hungry later." He leans down and kisses her on the head. "I'll check on you later. Keep the kids from bugging you." Miranda nods. "I love you." He whispers.

"Love you." She mumbles. Sam kisses her nose.

He leaves, shutting the door behind him. He makes it halfway down the hall before Serena is running up.

"Daddy. Daddy!" She runs up.

"Hey, you." He picks her up, kissing her cheek. "What's got you all excited?"

"I made this drawing for mommy." Serena holds up the stick figure drawing. Sam softly smiles at it.

"That's great, baby girl. And I'm sure mommy would love it." Sam smiles. "But why don't we give it to her a little later, okay? Mommy needs some me time right now."

""Me time?"" Serena asks.

"Yeah. Yeah, you know, she-- she's gotta be by herself for a little bit." Sam says. "You know, like how you don't like people talking to you when you wake up. She needs that for a while."

"Oh. Okay." Serena says. "So later?"

"Later." He nods.

+++

Sam checks on Miranda for the seventh time in the day. She's been asleep most of the time, only awake one of the times. He goes into the bedroom, carrying some pizza in.

"Hey." He smiles, seeing her awake. "So, uh... it's not exactly healthy, but it's food." He waves the plate around. "And I am officially all yours."

Miranda frowns and looks at the clock.

"It's not even 7. Kids shouldn't be asleep." She says.

"They're not. Uh... Jody came by. She picked 'em up, agreed to watch 'em for a bit."

"Sam--"

"Hey. This is still a relationship, we aren't just two people raising kids. You need me, I am here." Sam says. "Besides, they love Jody."

"She's stricter than us." Miranda says.

"Okay, they love her sometimes." Sam shrugs. "But I really don't think you need to be alone right now. I know how dangerous the mind can be -- on a normal basis, let alone after a traumatic event." He says.

He puts the pizza on her lap and places a water bottle next to her. Miranda picks up a piece of pizza and takes a small bite.

"There we go." Sam mumbles.

"Well, if you're gluing yourself to me, figured you're just gonna force it down my throat eventually." Miranda says.

"I'm not gluing myself to you." Sam says.

"I am a little hungry, though." She admits.

"I know." Sam sadly smiles. He sits next to her, resting his hand on her leg while she eats some of the pizza and they watch TV. After she finishes eating, she leans against him, Sam wrapping an arm around her.

"How do you deal with it?" Miranda asks. "How are you so fine?"

"Not easily." Sam admits. "I mean, after so many times, I guess it gets easier kinda. Maybe I'm just a little desensitized in a way. Watching you get hurt was probably the most scarring part."

"Yeah, right." She scoffs.

"I'm serious." Sam says. "I can handle getting hurt, but watching you or the kids get hurt -- especially when I can't stop it -- kills me more than anything else."

"How are you still sane? After all the torture and... and just everything you've been put through?" Miranda asks.

"I have you." Sam says.

"Sam." She whines.

"I'm serious." He says. "You help me, even when you're not trying. Just being around you and the kids, it helps. And there have been days where I need to be alone, you know that. But I'm here, just like you're there for me."

"You need therapy." Miranda says.

"I could say the same for you." Sam chuckles, kissing her cheek. "But I'm the best therapist you're gonna get, so... whenever you want, spill and I'm all ears."

"I know. Thank you." Miranda mumbles. "And ditto."

Sam softly smiles and pulls her closer to him.

"Just you and me." Sam mumbles, kissing her on the head.