Sonadow-Part 1: The Start

21 I've had enough!

Sonic

Thursday, November 24, 6:18p.m.

Sometimes, I often feel the weight of the world pressing down on my shoulders, each day bringing a new wave of problems. From the demands of essay writing to the pressures of social interactions, it feels like I'm constantly struggling to keep up. Try to meet with expectations are both leaving me to feel overwhelmed and anxious. It's like I'm trapped in this never-ending cycle of worry, constantly questioning if I'm good enough or if I should even exist. Sometimes, it feels like I'm drowning in a sea of responsibilities, desperately gasping for a breath of relief; and you know how much I hate the idea of drowning. I long for a moment of peace to over-take the chaos, a chance to escape the relentless tide of stress that threatens to engulf me. 

Me and Ames are relaxing on the field, the grass is our cushion and the air isn't as cold as it should be. "Hi," Amy leans on me. "Hey," I sigh. She repositions herself so she's opposite to me, inter locking our fingers. "What's up?" she stares directly into my soul. "Heh, w-what do you mean?" My eyes are glued to the floor. "You look like you have a lot on your plate." Amy has always been amazing with emotions. She's like a mind-reader; always know what you're thinking. "Me and Sha..." I stop to gulp. That was close. I can't bare the thought of saying, or even thinking his name. "You and...?" Amy repeats. "And... someone... are in a sorta... situationship? And we broke it off but they are so desperate to make me forgive and forget what happened. They're just making me feel uncomfortable," I explain. I continue to rant on about what happened (without outing... y'know who) and Amy listens. She nods while I dive into the deep end of my emotions. It feels... strange but relieving. 

As I said my casual "Catch yah later," to Amy, a hint guilt flickered within me. We had spent the whole of dinner together, laughing, sharing secrets, and just being good friends. I missed these days when we were younger. Yet, the thought of all the work I need to get done crept back into my mind. With a reluctant smile, I turn away from her, stand up slowly and begin to head for my dormitory. Despite the weight of our unfinished conversation lingering in the air, I pushed forward, figuring there's always a chance tomorrow we can pick up from where we left off. My world, seeming to cave in with every step, my gut swirling with anger and misery. 

As I trudged up the creaking stairs -if you could even call them stairs- to my dormitory, I caught sight of someone in the distance. Someone I know. It's Bonnie. His face looks less tense and more... relaxed. Probably because he isn't having to criticise me every second. I just wanna... punch that look off his face; see how he likes being told how to fucking feel. "Damn dude, you good? You seem... rageful." Devin places a hand on my shoulder. "It's nothing... well... it's to do with--" "Butt-fucker 2.0?" I sigh out. "Yeah," I whisper. "Listen, if you're mad, I'm mad, but I have mad respect for 'his' hormone monster." Hormone monster, huh? I thought I was the only one. "Who is he?" I ask. "He's that guy I'm having a break with..." he murmurs. My eyes widen in shock. Well I be damned. Then Devin goes on to explain that this dude, whose name is apparently 'Eric', fought in one of the worst war they had. "He's so... nice, and I don't lose respect for hot people!" Devin jokes, causing me to laugh a bit. Haven't done that in a while. Drawing another breath, I grin at him. I feel better now, but...

It'll only take one more straw until I break. 

When me and Bonnie cross paths, he (and this must have been done to wind me up) SHOVES me out of his way. "Okay, what is your deal? Just because you know I feel shitty, doesn't mean you have to shove me out the way." Bonnie glares at me, telling me to calm down before I rant on, cutting him off. "In fact, I've done everything I can to please you but it's never good enough. You are the most crazy, unstable, self-centred, manipulative, know-it-all, piece of shit I have ever met! I moved into a good college where I'm not being picked on anymore and you wanted to take that away from me! I have to do everything your way. You- you- you're just taking control of my life. Fuck you! I wish I never met you!" 

I stared into his eyes, a torrent of emotions surged within me, boiling hatred that consumed every fibre of my being. His mere presence grated against my soul like nails on a chalkboard, igniting a firestorm of fury that wants rip his body until there's nothing left of him whole. Every word that had ever escaped his lips felt like a personal insult, each gesture a deliberate jab aimed at my deepest insecurities. With each passing moment, the intensity of my loathing grew, completely annihilating any reign over my thoughts. My 'Happy Place' was now 'No-Man's Land'.

Bonnie never says a word. He gazes far into the depths of space; not a single thought could he fathom. He taps his foot until my breaths even. He eventually everts his eyes in my direction. "You're only seeking my affirmation; how is that my fault?!" he hisses, inching closer to me. My throats dry from all of that screaming. Amy's right... letting go is a good thing... However, with all the energy I had left, I yell at him:

"I WASN'T SEEKING APPROVAL OR AFFIRMATION! I WAS LOOKING FOR A TRUE, FOREVER-LASTING FRIENDSHIP, YOU BASTARD!" 

Silence. No words exchanged. I barge past him, wanting the shiny decking to fucking swallow me whole. Suddenly...

"Okay." A soft voice comes from behind me. As I turn around, Bonnie shrugs and walks of down the stairs, completely unaffected. There was not a moment I saw him even the slightest bit hurt. Ah, shit...