Feelings that are trapped on the inside

Problems

My problems when I'm growing up I realize all my friends left me for smarter better looking people, probably because I was boring, probably because I'm not normal but whatever it was, it stuck like a needle into my heart. I knew I was different but doesn't mean to be so rude to me for no reason, I'm only human after all, but damn no one cares for you when you have curves or a fat looking body. Yes I've been shamed all my life so far for being plus sized. Like who cares right? But I tell you a lot of people care here they always stare and cal you names like piggy where your frog man or something like that of sorts. I just keep to myself now and days, I barely have any friends at all, it's always a struggle to loose so much weight. People it's not easy to be this size or loose weight when you have really bad asthma and lungs. I have depression, adhd, anxiety separation, and many more you can think of. It makes me wanna die sometimes and delete myself from the world because of how badly I've been treated by males and random people in public eye. I've been cheated on because of how whale like someone said I looked we only lasted four months before he said oh I cheated on you the whole time with your ex bestie, and I just sat all day in my room eating and crying my heart out to sad music basting in my ears. To make it worst my sisters didn't care they never do they treat me like I'm an outsider or something of that matter, like I don't belong on the planet or something. It makes me feel sad, like I have no belonging on this Earth anymore. Honestly I hope that my sisters have the best life ever, without me I hope their happy without a burden like me, honesty I hope I burn, and die without anyone, because I'm forever a loner and always will be, because no one likes a softie fat ass girl. I just love myself totally thats a lie, I never truly felt happy before, I've always felt mad or sad at myself for existing, I always cry when yelled at or even talked bad about I'm just weak ok. Never be friends with a bipolar girl it's worse thing ever. I'm always triggered by bad things like cutting and hanging even though I used to do those stuff. One time my little sister almost killed herself or said she was and I cried and she said why do you care anyways in a mean way, I'm like even though I don't show reactions or love, I love you with all my heart and she just didn't care and told me to stop lying when I do love them with all my heart but they hate me so I stay quiet and don't show my emotions to them ever again, they judge me and Hate me with a burning passion.