Idol's Secret||kth×OCxmyg

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🕊"For now just let me cry, tomorrow I can face the truth again"🕊

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I feel so empty....

Everything hurts and my mind feels dangerously empty and detached while I feel parted from reality only knowing small parts of my surroundings.

It's calming...not feeling part of reality where my hurt and real emotions are...I want to stay adrift for longer...

I can feel the hand still carding through my hair while my eyes are closed shut from exhaustion after crying myself to sleep. How long has passed I have absolutely no idea but I do know that I'm not on the floor anymore as I feel the familiar soft material of my bedding while laying down with my head rested on someone's shoulder.

Heejin....Heejin is still here...

The urge to just give in to the chance to let the exhaustion take over me is large but I also know a rational part of me knows I already let enough time pass with my mind distanced from my new reality. The warmth I feel right now is temporary and I know that but I also selfishly want to hold onto the dream that I still have someone by my side and I didn't lose them all.

Heejin is probably only doing this out of the good of her heart being too nice to ignore my crying since her room is next to mine. She always hated seeing one of her unnies crying which is probably why considering everything she still stayed here and brought a bit of warmth to me after drowing in the coldness.

She acts like a protective younger sibling but the fact that I messed up so badly after all those promises of trying to set a good example for the younger members has me to finally let the guilt and embaressment sink in.

Everyone is leaving me...I don't want to feel this when I break out of this numb state....

The silence in the room continues as I sink even deeper in the comfort while letting out a small cough from the soreness of my throat which I know alerts Heejin that I'm awake as her hand freezes.

"Unnie?" The hestitance in her voice is obvious as she calls out to me. Thr word stings in my mind as the recent memory of Sonyeon telling me I lost the right to call her that rings in my memory leaving a bitter feeling flooding my mind. I lost the right to be called so casually or calling them casually with my choices and the fact that she still calls me unnie makes me want to curl up in the pain my heart is in knowing it just feels wrong now, I don't deserve it anymore.

I let out in inaudable sigh knowing it is time to get up and face it all again no matter how much I want to close my eyes and fake being asleep to just lay down in warm comfort for a little bit more.

No...no more wasted time....

Putting in all my energy I push myself up as Heejin moves for us both to sit up and I take in a deep breath as my head aches while my sight feels blurry from my puffy eyes. There is nothing I can do about my pathetic state of distress but Heejin has seen me breaking down a few minutes or hours earlier so I can comfortably let go of my shield and spill it all out to let whatever lies in my future come.

"Do...do you feel better now?" I let out a soft sigh as I rub my hands over my face before looking over at Heejin and feel my heart squeeze at the sight of her own eyes red rimmed from clear traces of crying.

I did this....I caused this....

"As good as I can possibly feel right now....which is not great" I clear my throat as my voice cracks before shrugging and leaning against the headboard as Heejin shifts to sit more in front of me.