Moonbeam bender | blog memoir 1|complete and on Amazon

November 8, 2023 Late P.M.

A travesty has happened to me, I had to let go of my adopted brother for the simple reason was and this might sound childish was there he was broken inside. He didn't want to do very much except chat on the phone and I couldn't do that because I don't wanna run my phone bill up and he was causing problems with my other actual hobbies as well that being said, he didn't want to even show his face. He was at well broken inside. You had to put it that way! I didn't want to have to do this, but I told him that I was also too broken to deal with anything at the moment, which was a lie my first ever lie I ever told that I can think of, but it had to be a white lie, but still, it was lie. As you can imagine, I'll be getting some cavities from that!  Just can be talking about sh*t through texting! I can literally hear the dentist saying that I have. Cavities! But the physical pain of the cavities with not be as bad as what I am feeling emotionally! This f*cking hurts!

I was more or less ghosted because he was too broken to deal with things so I ended up telling him. I was also broken so it as well and that I couldn't handle that. I also thanked him for whatever he did but I don't know what he did, that was deserving of a thank you, but I feel like I have lie to someone! This is kind of sad to say, but I did not think this would last long! I knew sooner or later he would tear me down. Somehow I know it wasn't a romantic thing but still, it would tear me up in side! I had to protect myself from any certain destruction that I may have felt last year when I was going through the same issue with my ex! It is kind of sad, but it's the thing I have to do to protect myself. I don't want another thing like my ex to happen where he will use every card he can imagine annoy me. That being said I've been Either after work, or I have to do something that a door or a mask, which was also a lie I didn't enjoy doing that. Telling someone a bullsh*t lie! But I was getting behind in my penpals I was getting behind in my blogging. I was lucky that he had work so I can blog a little bit. But it was just sad that it wasn't gonna go down the right road. That being said I won't be considering him as a friend or a brother anymore because he was too mentally unstable and unpredictable. He was not abusive, but he was Still, the victim was a very sad thing to say about someone I cannot do that is have someone play the victim card on me when I'm trying to live my life or trying to include them in my life and they try to exclude me out of their life on purpose by using the victim card that being said, I can't really help what had happened it just happened! Written by stars I think it was I think that It was destined for failure I mean you don't tell someone you like their energy if you are going to suck the life out of them over it!

That being said, I Will be going about my usual plans for life to have my friends that I obviously cannot lie to or the idea that I cannot go without creativity. I was going out a day without creativity, which was going to drive my head and make my head explode! I had to tell the guy that I couldn't be his sister that I couldn't see this working out as a sister or any thing like that because there was a this was going to be an unhealthy ship! I couldn't not handle toxic people even if they mask themself as nice!  It hurt but it had to be done!   Thank being said, I feel a bit bitter but not a marked difference!

I am so glad that I don't have to go to bingo tomorrow nor go anywhere as the weather will be sh*t! So I can entertain this for alittle while and let it go! I hate making these types of ships and not going through with them! Well at least I have my boyfriend, to talk to! But never with I do anything online except for penpaling.  It was very traumatic to deal with people who are going to use the victim card! First my ex and now my adopted brother! I know what ever happened to him was something that NO ONE deserves it, but I don't use the card or the survivor cards either! That being said, if you are going to be like that you shouldn't be on line! I know I sound like a come sh*t, but he was too low of self esteem that he was only thing about himself!   If this was a relationship I would have not accepted in the first place!   Now I know that unless I know you on the slowly app or in real life you can just f*ck off!   Do be honest last night I was able to have my first night terror in four or five years because of him - that was a sign! Right there!

Don't want to live the last year again with people who are just going to slow me down with their issues! I am done! I will walk up and forget this even happened unless I look at this entery!   I remember watching a military movie where the older older officer told his younger son that to put your problem in a box, lock it and put somewhere else! That is what might I have to do this exact thing!