serendipity | jean k. ♡

mirrors | chapter 19

• alexa, play mirrors by justin timberlake
• hey guys, im so sorry this update took so long. life has been a mess but i promise to be more consistent.
• also, aot ended! i have not been okay since lol. literally started it when i was 12 and now im 22 and now it's gone. can't even tell yall how many times ive cried over sasha and eremika since lol. if it weren't for aot tho i wouldn't be here writing these silly fanfics and i still cannot believe i wrote one that so many people enjoyed so literally love yall so much. like genuinely cannot thank you enough 🫶🏻🩷
• anyway, yall are here for jean but i only give you more sadness for now.... enjoy :)

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You eventually left the shower floor and found the energy to to make yourself food which lead you to where you were now, mindlessly picking at your plate as you stared blankly at the table in front of you.

Your shaky hand forced the fork up to your mouth, almost gagging as you took a bite of the food, not feeling well enough to eat but knowing if you didn't you'd only feel worse. You couldn't think of anything positive, anything good that would stop your occasional crying, because quite frankly, everything was miserable.

You felt so angry about Kendra and then arguing with Jean, yet so heart broken and upset that instead of talking it out, you both let your anger speak for you, and now you once again lost him. Guilt also sat heavy in your gut because of what happened between you and Connie which also left you disgusted with yourself yet somewhat relieved that nothing more happened.

You contemplated texting Jean over and over but figured it was for the best if you waited- wanting to organize your own thoughts and feelings before attempting to fix things, if it were even possible at this point.

Your heavy head slowly turned to the front door, another knock feeling as if it were pounding into your skull. You sighed, forcing yourself to stand from the chair, dropping your fork onto the plate, the metal hitting the glass with a loud 'clank' which furthered the ache of your brain as your shaky legs carried you to the door.

You found Mikasa, Hitch, Sasha, and Annie on the other side, Annie instantly moving in to engulf you in a hug. "We were so worried about you last night." She sighed, leaning back as her hands met your shoulders. "Is everything okay?" She asked, that question making you choke up as you slowly shook your head.

"Do you just not feel good or?" Sasha asked, stepping into your apartment with the others behind her. She lifted her arm, raising her tote bag up. "We brought snacks and stuff since all of us are pretty hung over." She gave you a small smile which you returned but you could feel your heartstrings pulling and tugging at the subtle gesture, which made you only want to cry even more.

"Eren said Jean was mumbling about it... did something happen between you two?" Mikasa asked, a look of concern dusted on her face and your slow nod before the tears swelled in your eyes gave her the answer she needed.

"It's okay." Mikasa wrapped her arm lovingly around your shoulder, slowly walking you past the now cold plate of barley eaten food that sat on your table and over to the couch that only made your stomach turn even more, remembering what happened in that exact spot. "I can't sit here." You shook your head, taking a step back from the girl.

"What happened?" Hitch asked, the look on her face showing confusion and concern as she watched your nervous expression.

Annie's eyebrows furrowed, knowing you had left with Connie, leaving only one scenario in her head that would lead to your current discomfort. "Did you sleep with him?" She asked, your stomach hitting the floor at her question. No, you'd didn't, but the kiss itself felt so intimate, you felt you practically did. Through pursed lips and a deep breath, you shook your head. "We kissed..." you trailed off.