It had been a while since he started to properly spar with Master Ned. A week or so, to be exact. Every time he'd get his ass beat, and every time he'd get back up to try again.
Today was no different, and Rue stood on his mark, ready for another round. He had tried to predict what his master would do, and he'd been largely unsuccessful. He tried listening for key ques, piecing together bits of his past habits, and tried multiple times to think one step ahead of him.
But it was no use. The old master was at least 5 steps ahead, probably more, and wasn't about to stop sprinting.
At first, his match with Lyn had made him feel like there was some progress he could've made, like he could practice his hearing enough to detect the tiniest of sounds, enough to make up for his eyesight, or lack thereof.
But it felt like punching a brick wall made of the world's strongest stones.
Recently he hadn't been trying much, sending out a wild swipe or jab seemingly at random, hoping that luck would land him a blow.
This time was no different, he had reached his skill ceiling and couldn't bring himself to try to break through it.
The bout ended in two clean strikes, Master Ned blocking his swipe, then striking at Rue's arm, making him drop his weapon.
"You were giving such an effort two days ago. Why have you given up?" he said bluntly, "Not to disobey you master, but I don't see any point. I clearly can't get any better than this."
"Nonsense. Of course, you can."
Rue had been trying not to think of it, trying not to remember it. But this time he was cornered. "You know why you are stuck here. You aren't fighting at your best. The others here will learn to master their Ki. You, however, do not need to do so. You already have an advantage, you must simply use it."
Rue felt his stomach turn.
"Master I... can't use magic"
"Why?"
"Because! I just... Can't... I lost my eyes because of it, I lost my wings... I lost everything... I can't just use something like that... It makes me feel sick"
Master Ned let out a long sigh, "this is something I cannot teach you. You must find it yourself. When you learn to, you can find peace, and will realise that magic is part of who you are."
"No!" Rue almost screamed, "It's not who I am." There was a long silence, the wind began to pick up and Rue realised what he had said. He immediately regretted it and cringed back. He felt a hand on his shoulder, firm yet gentle, "I am sorry, that I cannot help you, Ruth" Rue flushed, and clenched his fists. "Every time I use magic. My back feels like it's about to burst into flames. Last time I cast a spell... I could have sworn that I felt my wings..." Rue trailed off, feeling the memory begin to become more lucid, and his arm began to itch. He pushed it back, throwing it deep into the back of his mind.
Rue sat down next to Lyn at their usual spot, the bench that overlooked the valley. People always said the view was spectacular, much to his annoyance.
"So, how was today?" he asked, "oh, nothing special, usual workout, sparring with Yalvin... How about you"
"Master Ned put me on my ass, again. I should probably find some padded underwear, my butt's starting to ache"
"It can't be that bad" she said laughing, "it is, although I think the padded underwear would be a bad idea, anything bulky always itches my-"
"Gross! Shut up!" she said, lightly punching his arm. Well, a light punch from her still hurt but only a little.
"Well at least you're having some sort of fun, with me it's been non-stop workouts recently, Master Ned says I just need to work on my stamina"
"Your stamina? I'm pretty sure you could outrun a horse"
"Comparing me to a horse? Really?"
"No, no. I'm saying, you'd put all the other horses to shame if you ran on all fours."
"Be quiet!" she said laughing, giving him another punch. "By the way, did you see that dragonborn that came in the other day? It's pretty rare that you see anything other than humans in the school grounds. Only non-human I can think of is Arthur, and he's Elvish so it doesn't feel too far off."
It took Rue a second to realise she didn't know he wasn't human. I mean, of course, why would she have?
"Well... Lyn, that's not the only non-human in your class." Lyn paused, probably giving him a suspicious look, "what do you mean?"
"I'm not human" she was silent for a moment, then said "Well are you going to tell me? Because you look human to me"
"I'm Aasimar. I don't think anyone but Master Ned knows. I never really got the chance to tell people." He paused for a moment, "and to be honest, I don't really want to."
"Rue..." she said, her voice quiet and serious "yes?"
"Aasimar are supposed to have wings... Where are yours?"
He expected the question but thinking about it still made a prickle run up his arm and along his back. "I lost them."
"How?" a second wave ran down his scars, this time, however, the sensation stayed. "I... I was banished. I did something..." the itching became intense, and he felt heat on his back "... I did something to myself... And they couldn't forgive me"
"Something with your eyes?"
Rue nodded and paused. The itching and burning was intense now, and he couldn't continue speaking.
"If you don't want to talk about it... that's fine." He didn't reply for a while, instead he just waited for the aching and itching to go away.
"Thank you" he said, quietly.
He wanted this. Wanted to tell her, he'd been trying to find a way to bring it up. And yet, he couldn't.
Useless.
He trusted her, that was obvious, so why? Why couldn't he do it? The memories forced themselves up whenever he didn't want them to. So why couldn't he bring them up now?
Useless!
Master Ned knew, but he'd basically guessed and forced it out of him. And even then, when he did, he didn't look down on Rue or hate him for it. But now that he wanted someone to see him for what he was, he couldn't.
Fucking useless!
"Hey Lyn!" a voice came, it snapped him out of his thoughts. "You free?" it was Yalvin. Rue immediately felt out of place, he wanted to leave, but it wouldn't look right if he just up and left.
"Sorry Yalvin, I'm on my break" Rue felt Yalvin lean against the bench from behind, in-between Lyn and himself.
"Damn, was hoping you could help me show some first years how to do the three-point. What about you Kaine, you think you could be my test dummy?"
Rue felt a shock when he heard his name, like someone just poured icy water down his back, and it took him a moment to find words, "Er, no thanks" he said, turning his head away slightly.
"Shame, oh, by the way, could you show me that move you used on Lyn sometime? I'd love to beat her up with it next time we spar."
"I won that match Yal, and you're not as fast as he is."
"Where's the harm in trying?"
"There's a lot, actually" Yalvin laughed, a cheeky, childish sound, and he was surprised to hear Lyn laughing quietly along with him, "I'm free after my break" she said, "Great, I'll be waiting by the main courtyard."
Yalvin's weight vanished from the bench, and Rue heard him jog back the way he came.
"You, ok?" Lyn said, "Yea, just a little surprised"
"About what?"
"Him, I didn't expect him to be so... Friendly."
"Really? Why?" she almost sounded amused, which stung slightly, for some reason. "I don't know... It just doesn't seem right" He felt her shuffle a little closer, "What do you mean? How is that not right?"
"I don't know!" Rue threw his hands up into the air, "It just doesn't seem right! All the other students have never been nice to me, I didn't expect him to just... Talk to me."
Lyn didn't respond for a few moments, but when she did, her voice sounded melancholy. "Rue... I don't know what to say. Why would they want to treat you poorly? You haven't done anything to them."
"I'm a freeloading ass who should have been kicked out by now."
"That's not true." She said, her voice sounding assertive enough to make him believe her for a moment. Sure it is, he thought, he wanted to say it, but challenging Lyn was like trying to drain the sea with a tablespoon.
Instead, he slumped in his seat, feeling disconnected with the world.
He felt a touch on his shoulder, Lyn had moved even closer. "Thank you, Lyn" he said, emotion escaping into his words.
Yalvin had left him confused, so had Lyn, they both seemed nothing like what he'd imagined, and he was beginning to think of himself as more and more of a fool for it. He'd misjudged them, both of them, greatly. He decided then that he wanted to make it up to them.
