At twenty-four years old, Yeonjun celebrates his second wedding anniversary. Three days later, he meets Soobin.
Original source- published by overflow on ao3
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That night, Yeonjun lies with Juwon's beating heart beneath him and his semen inside him. Juwon rakes his fingers through Yeonjun's hair as his DNA searches through him, only to find that his is locked up, unreachable.
"You're so pretty," Juwon mumbles. "So beautiful."
"Mmm. Are all your friends jealous?"
"Of course," Juwon chuckles. "I don't know how the single guys at work get through it. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to come home to. I guess they get takeout."
"Hey, is cooking all I'm good for?" Yeonjun tries to keep his voice light.
"Well, this too..." Juwon squeezes Yeonjun's ass.
Yeonjun knows Juwon is joking, but he wonders sometimes. "Alpha, seriously."
"Of course there's more than that." Juwon kisses Yeonjun's forehead. "You're my perfect omega. And soon, you'll be the perfect parent, too."
Yeonjun stares at the tiny light of the standing fan, traffic light red, glowing in an otherwise dark room. Narae meows outside their door, her voice muffled.
"Are you angry that I haven't gotten pregnant yet?" The words tumble out of Yeonjun.
"What?" Juwon's hand freezes in Yeonjun's hair. "No. Of course not."
"But are you disappointed?"
"No. Where is this coming from?"
"I just thought you might be disappointed. We've been trying for a year now, and it hasn't happened yet, and you say that I'm the perfect omega, but how could I be if I haven't gotten pregnant yet?"
Juwon's body feels too hot against Yeonjun, the shared sweat where Yeonjun lay against him too greasy. He wishes the fan would stop rotating and just blow right into his face.
"I'm not disappointed. You're young, there's plenty of time! Why are you stressing out about this? Did you talk to my parents?"
"No, actually, I need to call them. Fuck." Yeonjun shoves his face into Juwon's chest, letting his clavicle sink into Yeonjun's eye sockets until he sees stars. How many more ways has he been fucking up?
"Don't worry about that. Yeonjun, what's going on with you?"
"What if I never get pregnant? Will you be angry with me?"
"Of course not. We'll deal with it together. We'll do IVF or something. My coworker's wife had trouble conceiving, and they went to a specialist, and now they have a one-year-old. Do you want me to ask him for the name of the doctor?"
"No. We don't need to do that yet."
"Okay," Juwon says. "Stop worrying, okay? I'm not disappointed in you, or unhappy with you, or anything like that."
"I just feel really guilty."
"Why? It's not like you're choosing to not get pregnant."
Yeonjun bursts into tears.
"What? Yeonjun, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," Yeonjun mutters. He just can't stop lying. He walks around like he's a perfect omega, taking pride in his homemaking abilities when he knows he's not supposed to be prideful. Then, he's arrogant enough to demand to be be told that he's more than that. All while avoiding the most important responsibility he has an omega: to bear children. And he's lying about it, wasting his husband's time, worrying his family.
He tries, and tries, and tries, but he just can't make himself want a baby. What is wrong with him?
"Sorry, I'm just emotional. It must be hormones," Yeonjun says.
"Hey, maybe you're actually pregnant?" Juwon wears a poor impression of a smile. "Sorry, that was a bad joke."
"It's fine." Yeonjun sniffs and stands up.
"Where are you going? Talk to me."
"I just need to be alone for a moment."
Yeonjun opens the door to find Narae staring up at him. "Go lie down with Daddy," he tells her, but Narae trails after Yeonjun into the bathroom, purring. She meows as he swallows his birth control and rubs against his ankles as he sits on the toilet seat and cries.
Yeonjun doesn't know how long he sits in the bathroom, writing up a mental list of everything that's wrong with him — his ambition, his curiosity, his incessant need to make his insipid thoughts known. But these things have been around since birth, just like his brown eyes, his black hair. How could he possibly change them? Even locking them up is exhausting.
Maybe he can set them free, as long as no one else sees them.
Yeonjun tiptoes through the apartment and silently looks through all of the drawers. He winces each time he stumbles in the dark or something thuds. But finally, he finds it: his old notebook. There are plenty of pages left.
Yeonjun sits down at Soobin's spot at the dining table. And finally, he writes.
Hi babes, so i wanna tell you that after some time you are gonna hate Yeonjuns character so please bare yourselves and yeah i hope you are gonna enjoy this masterpiece.
