Emotionless |seongjoong|

*6*

Hongjoong:

About a week has passed since I started dating Seonghwa. I just couldn't break up with him during that week. Every time I tried to do it, something was interrupting me. A couple of times, Seonghwa stopped me by cutting me off while talking. Then there were his friends too. The Choi brothers were clear on what could happen to me if I made their friend cry. So I waited a little bit more. Even if I felt exhausted all the time, I waited for a chance to be alone with Seonghwa and break it up in a softer manner.

Tonight, I had a date with Hwa. I decided to do it tonight. Seonghgwa had asked me to a home date at his place. It was my best chance to end things with him. We would be alone, and I could do it without interruptions. The perfect time. Because I was close to my limits. I could barely keep up with all the exhaustion. Mentally and physically.

I got dressed up, not putting any effort into looking good for a date. Prepared myself and left. On my way to his place, I dropped by the store for some junk food. I remembered my friends mentioning something about junk food bringing them comfort. I couldn't understand what they meant, but Seonghwa was going to need it. After all, I was an emotionless person. Anyway, I made my way to his place.

Standing in front of his door I took a deep breath before knocking. And there he was, Seonghwa opened the door for me. He was bright as usual. His fluffy outfit made him stand out even more. A fluffy white and beige outfit in combination with his sparkly eyes. And wet hair. I could tell by it that he just got out of the shower. But it didn't seem to bother him. Instead, he hugged me right away, taking his time before letting me go.

"Thanks for coming," he smiled wide.

"Sure, babe," I responded, not knowing what to say.

Seonghwa led me towards his living room, where everything, was set up for a home date. There were pillows and a blanket, set on the couch, the TV was set on a streaming platform, and snacks added on the table. He had put some effort into that home date. Everything executed to the last detail. Including candle lights. For some reason, when I saw everything in front of me, the words weren't coming. I couldn't bring myself to break up with him right away.

We went ahead with our date, sitting down on the couch. Seonghwa placed his head on my chest, and I could feel his warmth. Then we chose a movie. For some reason, Seonghwa insisted on a thriller or horror movie. I knew he wasn't good with those, yet he insisted, all the way. So we ended up watching one of those. Everything was going smoothly at the beginning. Seonghwa was casually cuddling me while eating some popcorn. I couldn't see his face due to our position, yet I could sense he was a little nervous. Especially on those jump scare scenes. During those, he was clenching onto me, hiding his face in my chest. During the whole time, I was repeating to myself that I could break up with him once the movie was over. I decided to do it after the movie.

...

At some point, Seonghwa offered me to order some takeout and beer. But I knew that being intoxicated during such a moment wasn't good enough for the situation. I refused his offer. Staying over drinking could prevent me from breaking up with him. I had to do it now. Seonghwa was too much for me to handle. And I wasn't the one for him. For the short period of knowing him, I found out he wasn't a bad person. He deserved better than me.

Once the movie was over I told him that it was time for me to leave. I could see the disappointment on his face, but he said nothing to stop me. Soon, we stood in his doorway. He was sending me off. We stood there, looking at each other. I was trying to tell him everything that I planned. But I couldn't do it. The words were just not coming out of my mouth.

"Seonghwa, I have to tell you something about us..." I spoke, just to get interrupted by his lips.

Before I could realize it, his lips were on mine. Seonghwa was trying to kiss me, but I couldn't allow it. I pushed him away, maybe a little too forceful. However, it was too late to go back. The shock on his face just helped me remember what my mission was.

"Seonghwa, I can't do this anymore! Let's break up," I blurted out, before storming out of his place.

I headed straight to my car after leaving his apartment. I stayed in my car for a while. I stayed there until my head had cleared up. Enough to realize that my body had acted on its own once again. I had forcefully pushed Seonghwa to the ground and yelled at him, all while crying. Had I lost my mind? Or, more likely, lost control over my body. Ah, so bothersome. That mess of a breakup could cause me a lot trouble later on. Maybe I could cover myself up for some time and wait for things to settle up. A week away from uni wouldn't hurt my grades or anything.

Seongwa:

I was still in a lot of shock. Hongjoong rejected me. He pushed me away, and he cried. But the most shocking of all, Joong wanted to break up with me. Break up? Wait!? What!? Hongjoong broke up with me? But... but... everything between us was going so smoothly. There were no signs to predict that ending. And Hongjoong said nothing about being unhappy with our relationship. If he didn't want to, why did he date me in the first place? If he was sick and tired of our dating, he could tell me earlier.

I sat down where he left me, crying myself dry. I cried for a couple of hours until there were no more tears. During that period, I thought about everything, leading me to dark thoughts. I just couldn't contain myself, crying silently for a long, long time. At some point, I decided to move from the floor. Honestly, I was too tired from all the crying. During my meltdown, I tried to reach up to Hongjoong. Yet, that was impossible, his phone was turned off. I tried to think about another way of getting in touch with him. The only solution was to wait and meet him in uni. I was too tired to do anything else.

Before going to bed, I took a cold shower and texted Hongjoong one last time. Yet, he never responded to me. I cried myself to sleep. There was nothing else I could do in that powerless state.