the term falling in love really hits different in the aftermath
we fell in a rabbit hole of kisses and laughter and we did hit the edges sometimes
we healed our wounds and fought over silly little mistakes
then we hit rock bottom
i saw it coming but i just closed my eyes and hoped you'd catch me
i opened them again only to realize that you were gone
the darkness surrounded me and for weeks i sat and only listened to the silence and the echo of my crying
hoping for you to come back
open a door
anything.
i started climbing my way up and got stuck at every memory we ever made together
i looked down only to realize i'd haven't gotten far
i reached out to you
hoped for you to help me up
but you were climbing a different mountain
you are searching for yourself now
and maybe one day you will reach the top
and maybe you can love someone again
maybe that someone is me
maybe not
i hope it's me.
the sun dances around my eyes and the wind tickles my hair
i can't see the top but i know i'm getting there
i think so
i hope so
i hope i never have to fall again.
i hope i only ever have to climb
with only myself to rely on
because there is no stronger source for power than me
falling in love is freeing
you can let go of everything that's holding you back
and until you hit the ground
there is
you
and
I
and no one else
because this rabbit hole of love is ours
and it will forever be ours
falling for you is falling with a shattered heart and hitting the ground with three pieces in my hands
they can be fixed easily
i'm sure of it
i just never want to fall again.
to prevent my heart from shaking until there are a million scratches
i never want to fall again
unless your jumping with me.
-November 2023
