Butterfly Farm

Chapter Eighteen: Soul Without A Home

Soul Without A Home by Glasslands
Shameless by Colorblind

🦋🦋🦋

She was a coward. A fool. A raving lunatic.

Her heart was pounding in her throat as she ran blindly through the house. The shadows all seemed to move and blur as she raced past them. A single red eye glared out at her from the banisters, taunting her, pushing her to run faster towards a place that was familiar without being welcoming. Her room wasn't where she wanted to be right now. She didn't want to be anywhere, actually. Her most recent safe place was the hay loft, but the barn didn't have a sturdy lock. She couldn't afford to be trapped there with the demon still haunting her mind. She needed somewhere to hide, from it, and from the others. Because she was terrified, and she wasn't even sure what exactly she was afraid of.

So she ran into her room and locked the door. There was nowhere else to go. She leaned back against the wall and slid to the ground slowly, helplessly, feeling her resolve to be brave crumple under the pressure of her own unrealistic expectations. When she'd walked inside with the twins, she thought she was fine. But she wasn't. How could she possibly move on so quickly after everything? How did she expect to just get over what had happened? Today, yesterday, a few years back-- it didn't matter. It was all still there, still buried inside her head. She was a ticking time bomb, and it didn't take much to light her fuse. A look, a word, a gesture. A touch. A feeling. A false sense of security. Her own empty, ridiculous suspicions. It didn't matter. She didn't trust herself, and she didn't trust others.

After awhile, a gentle knock sounded at the door. "Ava? Ava, are you in there?"

Ava let out a trembling breath. Mrs. Lennox. She'd forgotten about Mrs. Lennox. Guilt started to worm itself through her heart again. Surely her theory was ridiculous, right? She could trust Mrs. Lennox, couldn't she? Ava sighed quietly. "Yeah. I'm in here."

It was silent for a moment. Then-- "Are you alright?"

Ava stopped for a moment to consider. To really consider. Mrs. Lennox was a good woman-- or at least, Ava was pretty sure she was. She deserved an honest answer. Ava scrubbed her face with both hands, too numb to be surprised that they came away wet with tears she didn't remember shredding. "No. Not really."

Mrs. Lennox sighed. "Will you let me help you?"

Ava stared at her palm pensively. "I don't need help. Thank you. I'll be fine. Just give me a minute."

"Ava," Mrs. Lennox said, her voice holding an edge of warning. "You're bleeding. I need to at least see what's wrong. I promise I won't make you talk if you don't want to."

Oh, that was tempting. But probably not the truth. What self-respecting woman could resist trying to talk to somehow who was obviously distressed? Then again, that kind of proved that Mrs. Lennox was as genuine as Ava had hoped. She didn't have to be here right now. She didn't have to worry about Ava, but she was, and the least she could do was let her in.

Ava sighed again, trying to push herself off the ground without groaning too loudly. Everything was starting to really hurt now. Her back. Her legs. Hell, even her neck hurt, though she had no idea why. Ava unlocked the door and stepped back sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head with a contrite expression as the door swung open with controlled aggression.

Mrs. Lennox stepped forward and instantly swept Ava into another hug. "Oh, honey."

That was all she said. All she needed to say. The floodgates opened, and Ava started shaking. More tears soaked into the material of her foster guardian's shirt as she held her closer, finally allowing herself to really cry. To really feel everything she'd been trying so hard to ignore. Because she couldn't ignore it, but she sure as hell couldn't face it, either.