Void of Despair

7 . "You"

To,
"you" 

It's always you till the date. The lyrics reaching my ears makes the mind run towards you . Everytime it's you .

"You" a person not mine anymore still why aren't you going away from my mind . Mr. Stranger how does it feels to stay in another's mind everytime they think of love ? How deep it cuts you don't know, right ? Or do you feel the same ? I will try to believe that it doesn't  happens for you .

You're like a ocean surface in me . A calm dark blue ocean surface so pretty and enchanting. I lean closer everytime, the way it calls me towards the surface and a moment later I'm drowning , the feeling always feels new . As if I'm trying it for the first time . The surface that felt it won't be that deep .... I can't see in the depths of it's dark aura . It's suffocating.

I can't run away from it , the depths hiding the veins of memories , slowly grasping my legs , I'm trying to go away... trying to cut the veins and go towards the surface so that I can breath . But the blank space is trying to hold me there . Making me feel exactly how I feel without you .

It's the agony and peace at the same time . This peace is so much pricy that I bought this peace with my tears .

How does it feels when you show up in my dreams ? ... talking with me , giggling and laughing like the good old days . Still I can see you smiling on my silly questions, laughing on my bad jokes , making funny faces together. Your voice ringing in my ears calling me by the nickname that you gave me  . The pace of my heart increasing with every passing moment . The face of yours when we talked about "what if we became strangers again " . Your teary eyes and cracked voice still crystal clear in my dizzy head .

Your favourite black shirt, your favourite place, our silly childish conversations , our combined uncontrollable laughter, our tears , our mischief, our broken promises.
I remember everything as if  all of this happened yesterday . Do you remember too ?

How you used to look towards me as if I'm the prettiest one you have ever seen , your small gestures . Do you remember my eyes ? My smile ? My voice calling you by your nickname , the one I gave you ?

The mind that wished for years with teary eyes "please don't forget me " now prays everyday " please forget me , please forget everybit of me " . My moments doesn't deserve a place in your heart . Those were beautiful but now painful .

Do you see me in your dreams too ? Months have passed still I see you secretly . You have changed so much , you do stuff that I wanted for a long time . It does hurts a bit but since you look well I'm letting it pass . I hope you're doing well. I hope you continue to do well . I hope you get every bit of happiness.

From "my love " to "stranger" we came a long way . So dear Mr. Stranger , one of my most precious person to ever exist, just don't hate yourself  because of me .

The burden of leaving everything is already heavy don't put more weight on it by hating yourself because of me .

Is is called love ? The feelings I'm carrying everyday? I don't want to think that again . I just know that we are not meant to be . Somedays I just love you so much that I want this pain to last forever and somedays I just want to forget everything to provide relief to my soul . I miss the person I had when you were with me .

Stay well with your present self . I don't know the feeling clogged in my chest . All I know it comes back time to time for you .

Your love stays in me and let's me know it's still inside me . I'm walking towards myself but you're still running through my veins .
  

              - from a person who still holds your pieces in her heart .