Begin Again | ongoing

eight

Sunny doesn't say anything. Just walks through the gate and keeps going until she gets to the bench at the far end of the property, a good four-minute walk from the patio. Viv, to her credit, doesn't stop her. She follows wordlessly and sits next to Sunny.

"What happened since Friday?" Viv asks once they're side by side, looking out over the wild meadow beyond the boundaries of the Shelleys' garden.

"The last thing I remember before Friday is talking to Ravi about how much I wanted a girlfriend." Sunny realises the words are too blunt the moment they're out but everything she's about to say is so crazy, so unimaginable, she doesn't really know how else to start.

Viv scowls. "Is this your way of telling me we're not actually dating? Because, I don't know about you, but I've been calling you my girlfriend for a whole fucking year."

Sunny digs her fingers into her thighs and then sits on her hands, gnawing on her bottom lip. "This is my way of telling you that the last thing I remember is a conversation that happened fourteen months ago."

Silence.

Nothing but the call of a bird and the sway of leaves in the breeze.

And then: "What the fuck?"

"I freaked out on Friday because I didn't recognise you, so I went to Ravi and Delilah and then I came here because, to be honest, I'm still freaking the fuck out. Mostly on the inside now." She rubs the heel of her palm over her chest. Viv twists on the bench to face her, all colour gone from her face.

"You don't recognise me?"

Sunny meets her gaze. She has such beautiful eyes, such a beautiful face. "I know you're Vivian and that you're my girlfriend because that's what Ravi and Delilah told me. But ... no. I don't remember you."

Viv lets out a strangled cry and covers her mouth. Her eyes fill with tears and Sunny realises she has been pretty tactless with this, but she doesn't know tact. She doesn't know how to prioritise Viv's feelings – this stranger's feelings – when she can't untangle her own.

"You've lost your memory? What? How? Like, amnesia?"

"This is where it gets weird," Sunny says.

And then she launches into the whole spiel. Every little detail. If it's too much for Viv, then it's too much. There's nothing she can do about it. It's for the best if everything's out in the open. That way, they can either move forward together or call it quits. She mostly stares straight ahead as she talks, working through every emotion of the last three days, and she doesn't hold back.

From the wish and the well to the multiverse theory and the crack in time, she lets it all out in a flood of words until her throat aches and her voice weakens, and she realises it's because it's thick with tears. She's crying again. Too many fucking tears, but they come back with a vengeance every time she thinks too hard about her predicament. Her eyes are swimming and her cheeks are damp. Tears are dripping off her chin, splashing on her knees.

When she looks over at Viv, at last, after a solid twenty minutes of talking without a break, without interruption, she half expects to find her gone. But Viv is sitting right there, elbows on her knees, her face in her hands, shoulders trembling.

"Are you ... laughing?" Sunny asks. Viv looks up with wet eyes and wet cheeks.

"No, I'm not fucking laughing! What the actual flying fuck, Sunny?" She flings out her arms, careful not to hit anything but air. "This is not funny."

"I know. It's terrifying."

"It's ridiculous."

"I know."