Waves Of Despair (MuiTan - TanMui)

Chapter Two - Trust Issues

Muichiro's pov

"I am home!" I called out, immediately seeing my younger brother running to me, smiling "Mui! You're home!" he called out, hugging my leg tightly. I couldn't help but smile, wanting to pick him up but I couldn't, I was too weak.

"Awh come on! Can't lift me up anymore?" He complained and I forced out a small laugh "I guess you are just getting bigger and bigger, huh?"

"Mhm! Soon I will be just as tall as you!" He giggled and I nodded "you sure will" I smiled and walked into the kitchen where I expected to see mom but she wasn't there.

"Where's mom?" I asked and looked over at Yuichiro who just shrugged a little "not sure, she got a call from work.. she seemed mad.. left without even saying anything"

I sighed and rubbed my eyes in frustration, knowing that she might need to work overtime again “okay.. when was the last time you ate?” I asked and Yuichiro just looked down at the floor, mumbling quietly “yesterday”

“wh-what do you mean yesterday!?” I yelled out and he flinched a little, saying “mama overslept so we had to rush to school.. when I came back she didn’t manage to cook anything” I immediately dropped my bag down onto the floor and went towards the stove “I’ll cook you something, okay? Just wait a little longer”

Yuichiro smiled excitedly and ran to the living room to play with our two cats. While I was cooking.. I felt so weak, so drained.. like I will pass out any second. The aroma of the food was making me more and more hungry but I couldn’t let myself eat.. I just couldn’t, I’ll lose control again, end up binging like last time and feel nothing but guilt and disgust.

…

“Here Yui, sorry it took so long” I mumbled and handed him a plate with his favorite fried rice noodles.. one of the only meals I manage to cook without worrying about burning the house down. “Thanks Mui! It looks amazing!” he said excitedly and took the first bite.

I heard my stomach rumble, the hunger getting more and more underable, my hands were shaking because of how weak I was. “Here! Try some!” Yuichiro said and handed me the plate. I shakily reached for the fork, and grabbed some noodles with it “just one bite.. just one” I thought to myself and put the noodles in my mouth.

The second it touched my tongue I felt instant relief, I couldn’t help but take one more bite… and another.. and.. another. “Muiii! Come on! Don’t eat it all!” Yuichiro whined playfully, making me snap out of whatever I was just in, making me realize what I just did.

I quickly handed him the plate, feeling a strong sense of guilt wash over me. I didn’t feel good, I felt horrible now, I couldn’t believe that I lost control like that again!

I slowly stood up and went to my room, closed the door and dropped on the floor right beside them, tears welling up in my eyes. The urge to purge was getting stronger and stronger again, I just wanted to get rid of everything I had eaten but at the same time I didn’t.. the feeling of hunger, the weakness and fatigue disappeared for a split second when I was finally getting some food inside me and I knew that by making myself vomit, it’ll just make me feel weaker than before.

I quickly stood up and took out a scale from under my bed, standing up on it “pl-please be under fifty.. pl-please..” I begged quietly, my eyes closed shut. I slowly opened them, seeing that I am at 49,1 kilograms. I didn’t know if I was happy or disappointed.. it was under fifty yes but.. so close to it as well.. just nine grams and I’d be at my limit.