Waves Of Despair (MuiTan - TanMui)

Chapter Three - Self Hatred

Slow update, I know, I'll try to update one of my other books today as well and I'll try to do so with the third one as well, sorry.

Muichiro's pov

I laid in bed, it was around 2am and I was unable to sleep. I was scrolling on my phone trying to keep myself distracted but it was hard.. so hard. I couldn't stop myself from overthinking, everything just felt so overwhelming.

I've been holding my tears back for like an hour and I couldn't do it anymore, I just began to sob. I felt so helpless, I just wanted to sleep but every time I closed my eyes, the voices just got louder and I couldn't handle that.

I wanted to text someone but I didn't know who.. I wanted someone to hold me but I had no one.. I wanted someone to tell me that it'll be okay, that they are here for me but I knew that I am not the type of person who deserves to be loved..

I wanted to go to mom and just pour my heart to her but.. she works so hard, she came home around 11pm and immediately went to bed.. I don't want to wake her up. I just went on Instagram, trying to distract myself once again when suddenly I saw Tanjiro's icon that had an online mark next to it.

My eyes widened, thinking about if I should maybe text him but no.. I couldn't, we met a couple days ago, who knows if he even cares, who knows if he even wants to be my friend..

Before I could decide, he suddenly texted me first "daaamn what are you doing awake at 2am?"

I chuckled a little at that text and responded with a simple "I can ask you the same thing"

">:[ I asked first" he texted right back. I couldn't help but smile, it had been so long since I had some kind of similar conversation with someone and it was so nice to talk to someone like this again.

"I've been having trouble with sleeping lately, now what about you?" I texted and he reacted to my message with "😞" which made me laugh. "I was playing games all night and didn't realize how late it was"

"I see, what were you playing?" I asked, being kind of invested into the conversation, wanting to talk more for some reason.

"Genshin impact 😭🙏" he said and my eyes widened, immediately texted "wait wait, I play genshin too!"

"No way!" He said and I immediately got excited, we exchanged UIDs and talked about it for a bit more time before we both decided to head to bed. I completely forgot about all the things that were worrying me, I just laid down, cuddled up under my blanket, a smile spread on my face as I slowly dozed off.

~Next day~

I woke up, immediately feeling drained and exhausted. I groaned and slowly sat up, thinking "should I skip school today..?" I thought to myself and shook my head "you skipped enough Muichiro, pull yourself together"

I stood up which I regretted quickly, my vision immediately went black for a bit before clearing out a couple seconds after. "Fuck.. I need to get my iron up.. but how" I thought and rubbed my eyes to clear up my vision even more.

I took a deep breath and went over to my closet, reaching for my baggy jeans and hoodie like every day. I took my pajamas off and looked over at my mirror, anxiously walking towards it before looking at myself.