deceit • Han Seojun x Kang Soojin

57. khairiyat (well-being)

Khairiyat poocho kabhi toh kaifiyat poocho

(ask about my well-being and ask about my situation)

Tumhare bin deewane ka kya haal hai

(ask how your lover is faring, without you)

- khairiyat (chichhore)

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57. khairiyat (well-being)

"Aaah, why mom not picking my call!" Seojun kept glancing at his mobile - he was awaiting a call from his mother. "Even Gowoon isn't picking the call..."

"Han Seojun!" The band manager called out to him - Lim Heegyeong waving out to the anxious boy - asking him to join the rest of the clan.

"Coming Noona, just - "

He couldn't explain. He got super anxious that morning and had a nightmare the night before. He didn't remember the nightmare, but he felt a sudden rush of pain and heartache when he got up in the morning. The last time his mother had called — a week back — he did not get a chance to answer it nor call back. The idol training was taxing and a headache too honestly, but he liked doing it. He liked singing and everything that came with it was bearable.

Until that night — that nightmare seemed vivid. Seojun was anxious, on the edge of his seat, from the break of dawn he kept a close eye on his mobile. He was worried - unnecessarily he knew that - but he was still worried. 

"Hyung - let's go?"

Seojun had to leave with the band for another day of recordings and then training sessions after, and that meant he had to deposit his cellphone to avoid any sort of distractions. He glanced at his cellphone one last time, calling his mother but he got no reply. 

The only call he got that day was at his agency - a call from the hospital - a call to deliver him news he never dreamt in this life. 

Seojun looked at the woman seated in front of her. Her eyes were captivating - his heart and his mind - and her smile, that smile haunted many of his dreams. Her touch could melt - thaw his frozen heart - and her one glance was enough for him to forget about his miseries. But he could not - he would not - let her close to him again.

He could not for the love of God receive another call - informing him that a loved one died.

And neither would he let anyone else receive the call for him. There was a reason he had distanced himself from all of his friends - Jugyeong and Chorong - even Suho. Not because he was nonchalant or too famous for them, not at all. Rather, he'd have them think of him as a nobody then be weeping on his funeral. 

Seojun did not want to live anymore and he did not want to live for anyone either. He was tired, his heart was always running on a treadmill, his mind had a box of nightmares - fresh and new - each time he rested and his eyes, well they had no light in them.

Breathing and living was torture for him and what better way to stop the torture than by stopping to breathe.

"Seojun - " Soojin reached out her hand towards the boy - the cold eyes man - again but Seojun pushed it away, snapping out of the trance he was in. He got up, annoyed at himself for being so reckless around Kang Soojin and dusted his coat.

"Was this a desperate attempt to get my attention? Kang Soojin?" He acclaimed, venomous words playing their part well.

"What?"