For the Love of an Elf (Bernard the Head Elf romance)

Silent Night

*This one got away from me. Also I'm bad at titles. Sorry folks.

Bernard paced in his office thinking. He didn't get a chance to talk to Claire again before she went home, this time for a while. He had a choice to make, and he was worried he might have made the right one for her, but the wrong one for himself. He knew he had hurt her, without meaning to. She just didn't understand what he did. That being almost immortal wasn't all it was cracked up to be. It wasn't an easy decision to come to, turning her away. He had even gone to Judy for advice. The topic had been eating away at him since she had knelt in front of him in Santa's office. He couldn't get the way she looked at him, the way she cared about him, out of his head. So when he was reasonably sure Curtis had Toy Santa under control, or at least away from the List, he had slipped down to Judy's. She told him he should embrace it, the bond. That it was the best thing that would ever happen to him. But she thought he should give up being an elf and live the rest of his life as a human so he could be with Claire. She pointed out that he was born human anyway, that he had served long enough, and that he would regret it if he let Claire get away from him. Then she told him what he already knew, that he couldn't ask Claire to give up her life to become one of them. He obviously cared enough about Claire to seek counsel on whether he was making the right decision or not. Maybe he would regret it. But he couldn't stand the thought of Claire resenting him later for letting her choose him over her human life. He sank down into his chair, physically and mentally drained. As hard as it was, he HAD made a decision. She would understand when she had a wonderful life because he let her go. In the meantime, he would look after her the best he could, and support her however she let him. She was still his soulmate, after all. But he had an itch under his skin. A feeling like he needed to see her again. She had been right under his nose for almost an entire month, her presence calming and comforting even before he understood why. He could physically feel that she was gone. He heard a quick knock on the door before Curtis walked in and sat in the chair opposite Bernard. 'What a night, huh? But we got her done. The toys are on their way, Christmas is saved, and-, why don't you look happier about any of this?' Bernard straightened up in his chair. 'I am. I'm thrilled, really.' Curtis leaned forward, elbows on the desk. 'Maybe, but something's wrong.' He paused studying Bernard's expression. 'It's Claire, isn't it? She really is your soulmate.' Bernard shot him a look. 'What? I AM your number two. It's part of my job to pay attention to you, since I'll be taking over when you go on your Kribble Krabble. Plus, elves love gossip. So, what? You miss her? You know you can go see her anytime, right? You're an elf. You have magic.' 'No, I can't Curtis. She won't want to see me.' Curtis cocked his head in confusion. 'Why not? Haven't you told her? Trust me, she'll be thrilled. She's crushed hard on you for a few years now.' Bernard shook his head. 'That's not it.' Curtis thought for a minute. 'Well then what's- no. You didn't. You told her and then sent her away. Why would you do that? Do you realize how crazy that is? And now you're miserable, and I guarantee you Claire is miserable too.' 'I'm not miserable, I-, I made the right choice. Our options for a life together both involve one of us changing who we are for the other. I won't ask that of her. I know she would do it in a heartbeat, because she is selfless and sweet, but she deserves to have a nice human life. And me? I've been an elf for almost 1,600 years, Curtis. It's my job, my purpose. I can't even remember details from my past, or what it's like to be human, really. No. This is good, for both of us. Besides, you know as well as I do that soulmates don't need to be in love. They can just be friends, and that's what I'll be for her.' Curtis shook his head. 'But that's not what you really want, is it? I'm gonna go join the others for cocoa. Think about it, Bernard.' He left, closing the door behind him, and Bernard opened the top drawer in his desk, revealing the drawings Claire had mailed to Santa as a child. He had kept them, not understanding the compulsion to do so at the time. Maybe he had known all along who she was to him. She was special, his Claire. His thoughts screeched to a halt. His Claire? Where had that come from? Suddenly, he knew what he needed to do.
Bernard popped into Claire's room in the Millers's house a moment later. A quick look around showed that she wasn't in her room, but he could hear voices outside. Going to the window, he saw her standing outside in the snow laughing at something. Confused, he opened the window a crack to call to her, but just then, a boy appeared. He looked about her age, and strangely familiar, hands tucked into his coat pockets. He looked happy to see Claire, but also surprised, probably because it was almost one in the morning. Bernard knew Santa would drop his kids off before starting his rounds. Bernard could hear some of what they were saying, the words carried on the still winter air. 'Couldn't sleep?', Claire said. The boy shook his head. 'I was studying, and I heard noise, so I thought I would come check it out. Everything ok over here?' Claire nodded. 'Yeah, we're good. Lucy, uh, thought she saw something, you know, like Santa, so Charlie and I brought her outside. He's tucking her back in right now, I just thought the snow was so pretty I had to stay for a minute.' 'Right. You know, you're a weird one Calvin.' She was looking elsewhere, distracted, and he bent down, gathering some snow in his hands. 'But I owe you a lot, so I'm only gonna hit you with one.' Claire looked at him then, just in time to get hit square in the chest with the large snowball. The boy immediately took off running back the way he came, laughing the whole way. And to Bernard's surprise, Claire was laughing too. She brushed herself off, and turned to walk back into the house, so he closed the window again and waited. It was a few minutes before Claire walked through the door, unzipping her coat and cutting on the light. When she saw him sitting on her bed, she jumped back. 'Shit!' When nobody in the house acknowledged the outburst, she closed the door quickly, locking it. 'You know, the daughter of Santa Claus really shouldn't swear. Think of the example you're setting for Lucy', Bernard said in a teasing tone. 'Well Head Elves really shouldn't sit in the dark in young ladies' rooms either, but here we are. What are you doing here?' Bernard got to his feet, procuring a beautifully wrapped present from behind his back. 'Well, you somehow let me forget to give you your birthday present this year, so I brought it. I hope you like it.' She took it from him, turning it over in her hands. 'Really? So we're just going to act like everything is normal? Like we're ok? We're not ok. At least I'm not.' Bernard stepped closer, trapping her against the foot of the bed. 'I know, angel. That's also why I came. I realized that I wouldn't be ok, either, unless I tried to make things right with you. So I need you to tell me how I can do that. Please.' She looked slightly up at him. 'You can tell me we can be together. The more I think about it, the more I'm sure that I want to be with you. I want to pay the price, it that's what it takes. Bernard, I was literally made for you. You talk about your purpose at the North Pole, but what about mine? Am I just supposed to move on with some human boy and feel empty my whole life?' He stepped away from her, but she followed. 'You're being dramatic, Claire. You'll be fine. What about that boy, outside? Who's he?' 'Why do you care who he is?' Bernard rolled his eyes. 'Because he likes you. I could tell that from the two minute interaction I saw. You should start there.' Claire sat on her bed. 'Levi doesn't like me. He's actually kind of the school bully. Remember the boy that told Charlie there was no Santa that year? That's him, our neighbor.' So that's why he looked familiar. 'He's friendly to me because he got held back last year and couldn't graduate, so I've been helping him, tutoring him so he can this year. I'd like to think I'm making a difference in his attitude too, but it's not because he likes me.' Bernard was about to point out that he was over a thousand years older than her, and therefore probably knew more about this kind of stuff than her, but she said, 'Besides, I've tried. I've tried hard to like someone else, anyone else, and I just can't. You're always there in my head, and I know it's genuine, because I can point out specific things I love about you, and most of them aren't physical. It's not just a general 'I like him and I don't know why' kind of thing. Plus, you didn't even know I was your soulmate for sure until this year, Bernard. I had a hero worship crush on you when I was 10, and it just grew from there. The bond is just icing on the cake for me.' He took slow, deliberate steps toward her and got to his knees, gentle hands around her neck to guide her eyes to his. He had a moment of deja vu, except their roles were reversed. He had a quick thought, that he kind of liked this position, kneeling in front of his Angel, but he cleared his head and spoke. 'Ok fine. How about this. I could start my Kribble Krabble early, say, January 1st. It's mandatory for head elves, and I've been training Curtis to take my place for the year. Is he ready? I'm not sure. But I believe he can handle it.' Her eyes lit up, probably assuming where this was going. 'I can stay here, in Illinois, until you're accepted at a college, and I'll follow you. That way I'll be here, for you. Whenever you need me. But you have to promise me something.' She agreed and he continued. 'You promise me that you will try to find someone else. Have a normal life.' She shoved him back and stood up. 'I don't WANT anyone else!' He shushed her looking nervously at the door. She continued quieter. 'Please, please just let me be yours.' Her eyes were begging, and his resolve slipped a little. 'I can't do that, Claire. Not until I'm sure that it's the best option for you. Try to understand that it's because I care so much about you that I'm making you do this.' A long moment passed before she let out a quiet, 'Ok'. He let out a relieved breath and brushed her hair away to give her a soft kiss on the forehead. Her eyes fluttered closed and she breathed him in, that warm familiar scent she loved so much. 'Thank you, Angel. That's all I needed. I have to get back to prep for Santa's return, but I will be here, January 1st, with bells on. I promise.' Claire grimaced. 'Maybe not with bells on, literally. We'll work on your human wardrobe when you come back', she said, twisting one of his curls around her finger. 'What's wrong with what I wear?', he asked, looking down at himself. She giggled. 'Nothing, if you're an elf. Or Neal. Don't worry about it. We'll deal with it later. Now go, shoo. I need my beauty sleep.' He grinned and shook his head as he disappeared before her eyes. He was giving her a chance to prove herself. At least, that's how she saw it. He didn't know just how futile it would be. She fell back on her bed and something hard poked her in the ribs. Her birthday present. She ripped it open quickly and a small gilded note card fell out. 'For all the adventures ahead. Happy birthday, Angel.' The present was a beautiful leather journal with a strap that held it closed. She opened it carefully, and the new book smell hit her immediately. She loved it, and the elf that gave it to her, and she would just have to show him.