Flavours and Love Moonsun

18+ What led up to this point

Attention!

The following chapter contains suicide and other serious matters. If you're weak hearted, or you're in a difficult situation, please don't read this chapter!

How did that happen?

Yongsun's pov

I'm tired.

I was fighting with my mom's illness, I was fighting with James....but at one point I gave up.

I know I'm weak, and I agree with you. I shouldn't be this desperate.

And I don't know what happened, what helped me make this decision.

I want to stop this.

I want silence.

I want peace.

I was so greatful that Byul and the others helped me and my mom. At least I know that she's going to be alright in the nursing home. Not a thing left to worry about.

To be honest, many things happened, and if I have to count them, I couldn't...but I try to explain.

My life went down when my mom got sick. That was the first stab in my heart. Like I said, I felt like I owe to her, because she had to take care of me alone in my whole life. But I was young, and it felt like a huge mountain that I can't climb.

That was reason number 1.

And right after I got the news about mom, James showed up. At first I thought he's kind and he will help me. And he did, but halfway, something went wrong. The whole human being took a 180 degree turn and became a monster. He raped me multiple times...at the age of 18.

Let me tell you, what should a 18 years old girl experience in her life.

Friends.

I didn't have any friends except my mom. There were always the two of us.

Love.

I didn't even kiss someone. My first kiss never happened. I felt insecure about it, I thought that I'm not pretty and nobody was interested in me. My first kiss should be memorable and I should give it to someone I love wholeheartedly. The kiss that I will bring with me to my grave.

Happiness.

It feels like, that not everybody deserves it. When I was a little girl my mother did everything for me. I didn't realize we had nothing. And I was the happiest little girl you could imagine. But when the time came, my mother couldn't take the burden alone, I didn't want her to do that. I saw that she was struggling, and I wanted to help her. At the age of 12 I had to grow up. I didn't mind it, but it led to the present.

Where I want to die already.

When Byul called me and her friend told me to go over to her house, I knew that they can't help me. I decided to end my life soon.

And then something clicked inside of me. The way Hyejin talked about her trauma. I thought that she can understand me. Then Byul... she was so cute, even though I didn't deserve that. When she bought me those coffees. Not a single person did that for me. But the girl I hurted so many times, did it without thinking.

I thought I'm back on track. Everything seemed alright, I can move on. They could help me if I let them. I should give it a shot. I should open up. I should let them in. And I really thought that this is simple. From wanting to die, I reached the point, that I want to live and want to pay back what they did for me and my mom. I was confident that I can do it. But it turned out to be prestidigitation.