BROKEN FOREVER - Mason Freeland

24 | BROKEN, FOREVER

-I said im not gonna be active, but heres a really special chapter for me. enjoy <<3

-

"Where is the vegetables juice mom made for me?" Tracy asked with no emotions. Like she's talking to someone from the street.

We were alone. The first time in so long. We had our home for ourselves. My mom took Evie to some meeting in school, the principal want her out. How can she stay? She couldn't care less about school. And my mom, she's just gonna treat Evie like she's her own daughter

Like she's doing with everybody. Let them feel a part of the family. Let them feel safe and warm.

"It's in the fridge. Why are you even drink that."
"It's non of your business." She didn't even looked at me. That crushed me. Every part of my body hurt because we lost every touch we ever had. She stepped outside of the kitchen with this bottle in her hands, eyes filled with hate.

"What did I do that you hate me like that?" I felt like a fraud. To ask my thirteen year old sister something like that. But I had to open it.

"What? Mason what do you want." She rolled her eyes with tiredness. I can't even talk to her.
"I want you to explain what is going on with you."
"Nothing. why do you care so much." She smiled like I just told her a joke. She took a sip of this juice and her face was show off disgust.

"What do you think? that everyone against you? why do I care so much?" I copied her words.
"Your my sister, Tracy. in case you forgot. i loved you then and i love you now. I wanna know why are you acting like your whole worlds is falling apart!" My voice got louder. She faced me and i could see my expression in her eyes.

It's the first time i really said out loud that i love her. Besides when we were little. It's the first time she heard me saying those words. and in this second we both realized it.

"Mason nothing is going on. now leave me alone." She mumbled and refused to look at me again. i think she didn't know how to respond.
how to react to this after these few months.

"No, Tracy. we'll talk about it. it's breaking me that your acting like we're not related, it's breaking me you're treating me like that, and it's breaking me to see you change in front of me."

I got my confidence back. and i had so much to say. maybe too much. everything that I kept inside all this phase was just ready to come out. in the ugliest way to exist. i had to know what is happening to her. why is she so different.

what is going on with my reflection.

"But it's not true." She stuttered. i could barely hear her. i think it's the first time i could really get into her. the first time she didn't just go away and yell. it's really a conversation,and she's not getting away. she's not letting her rage take over.

"It's true Tracy. And you know it's true. you cut off all of us from your life. me, mom, Noel, Luke, everyone who was close to you. You didn't let us an explanation and became a stranger." I took a deep breath before i was about to choke.

"You started lying, and drinking, and smoking. you stopped smiling, and your special features just faded away. Everything we knew just disappeared. You killed your old self."  Her look. she looked at my with sympathy.

I guess i didn't realized how much I've missed her until now. And that hurt. my chest was burning with pain. i didn't understand how one old look from her could effect me like that.

"I had my reasons!" She shouted with tears streaming down her beautiful face. She never really understood how pretty she is. How special she was. She always thought she needed to change something about herself.

Im feeling regret every day for never saying it.
never saying how gorgeous she actually is. how gentle and different she is from girls in her age.
Seeing her like that was not like the other times, when she let the anger talked to himself. It was seeing my Tracy again. The real Tracy.

"So tell me! Tell me what I've done to you. Tell me what mom did to you. Tell me what Noel and Yumi ever did to you that you just threw us all  away!" The blue eyes we shared was now glowing.

"I had to! You don't get it!" She took a step forward and didn't broke our eye contact. Not for a single second, even when she didn't knew what to say, or how to explain what's holding her back.

"I'll try! Just say what took my sister away!"
I felt tears in my eyes. I'm not crying, it's not me.
I looked up to make them go away. Not to show weakness. even though I was already looking like a little girl. She got out of me things I'd rather to hide. To never show anyone.

"I felt like a fool! Like Evie is a god that I need to copy. Dad wouldn't see me, and Brady came back. My life was falling apart. I had to live Evie's life! So I just got her in. My house and my heart."

She sat down. She looked like she just realized what she caused to herself. And I could see it's not half of what's she's hiding under all the walls she built around her. I glanced at her with mercy.

"Everything just fell down so fast. Every bit of control I had over myself was gone. The drinking and the drugs, all what I've done to people."
The house shut down in seconds. I could only hear her cry. She held her face with her hands and I let her a few minutes to calm down.

The silence has been for too long. Until she raised her head and her eyes was back. The scary look in her face find his way to return again.
"It's not only my fault, Mason." She whispered and got up. Her tears dried up. and that Tracy was alive again. The Tracy I hate in every part of my body. That made me loose my sister.

"You were the one who gave a fuck about me. You were the one who tried to get mom against me. You were a big part of burying my old self." She got closer and closer. we were inches apart.

I couldn't handle this sentence. Her words.

" You were a big part
of burying my old self. "

It was too painful to hear it from her. She noticed something in her words were hitting me.

And i didn't recognized her again. Just like before. I thought I really did something.
But I needed to get it to my head. The ugly truth I've never wanted to admit. My sister is gone.And she's not coming back. I needed to let go.

To understand she'll never gonna be the good little girl she used to be. And life can't go back.

"I needed to know. I needed to know nothing had changed. I needed to except that your a different person now. And that my sister not coming back." I broke. This argument or whatever the hell that was, were the hardest thing I've experienced. And I had a lot of shit in life.

She broke me. Something in her shut down as i stayed a few seconds in place. I couldn't move my legs. I couldn't decipher her glare.

The house that was filled with screams and anger had never been this quite before. I went to my room slowly and closed the door behind me, tried to process all that's just happened. I think I'll never be able to do it. I think I'm broken.