We Know The Price We Pay

19. September. 2277 - Hadley Anne Branson

By the time you've grown four children inside your body and given birth to all four of them, very nearly nothing fazes you at a certain point.

Except anxiety, sometimes crippling anxiety, about your family.

If I had to pinpoint when it started, my husband being nearly killed in an attack by the Enclave only a few months after our wedding could be it. But, even if it started there, it began to escalate after the birth of our eldest, or, if I'm being truthful, the day we found out I was pregnant with our eldest, then the first time I felt her kick, and then the moment when I finally got to hold her for the first time. Three more babies later, and I'm still constantly worried about all of them. If I could, I'd never let them out of my sight. Even with our eldest now a teenager, and our second eldest nearly twelve, I haven't been able to let go of my anxiety. I suppose, for the time being, it's likely because their father is deployed again, and, despite my frustration, Elder Lyons won't even tell me if he's alright, let alone where he is.

He may be just another Knight Seargent to you, Lyons, but Derek is my husband and the father of our four children.

"Mom?" I startle only to lightly laugh as my eldest pokes at my arms. "Don't space out again. I might need you for directions, you know. This city – well, ship, I guess – is fucking massive."

"Lana Marie!" I chide, gently cupping my hands over my youngest's ears. "Don't say things like that in front of Ada! She's six and doesn't need to start learning how to swear yet!"

Lana shrugs. "Emmett does it and he's eight."

"And who taught him that?" I reply with a pointed look. "You and Lissy, I'm assuming."

"Well..." Lana awkwardly shifts back and forth from her heels to her toes. "In our defence, we weren't trying to. He just overheard us and some of our friends."

"Your hands are tickling, mommy!" Ada squeals, laughing. "What'd May say?"

"Something you're too young to hear," I say, scooping her up and holding her against my right hip. "Don't worry about it, Ada."

She nods. "Okie."

"You owe me a Nuka Cola," Lana says, winking at me. "Preferably a Nuka Orange."

"Maybe later," I say, ruffling her hair. "That fine with you?"

"Sure," Lana says. "Can I have one of the house keys? I'm tired...and have too much schoolwork to get done by the end of the week."

"Get your things and then go work in the study rooms off the laboratories," I sigh, fumbling with my purse with my free arm while Ada leans her head on my shoulder and tightly wraps her arms and legs around my torso. "I'd like to know for sure where you are. If you get lost trying to get home, just go to the labs and work with whatever you've got in your bag already there."

"Thanks mom!" She chirps, all but snatching the spare key from me the second I find and get it out. "See you later!"

Ada giggles when Lana waves at her before skipping off, her hair flying out behind her. Almost too soon, she's disappeared across the way and up a flight of stairs. At least, I suppose, there will only be two places she could be; the first at home with her younger sister and the second in the laboratory study rooms, near where her brother is. Still, I almost wish Ada still needed her mid afternoon naps, just so I could go with Lana. Everyone says I need to step back and let them grow up, and I'm trying. But every time I see Lana go off somewhere on her own, even if it's not far, I don't want her to go without me or her father. And here? Where everything is still –

"Mommy?" Ada tugs at my sleeve and then stares up at me and grins when I look down at her, adjusting her in my arms. "Why does Em get to mess with the shiny things? Dr. Li said I'm not allowed to touch them, but he can."