VICE
"i really thought you wouldn't come." i chuckled.
"i've been absent for her entire life, i should be here now that i know." he said.
I just looked down fidgeting my fingers.
we fell into a complete silence.
scarlette is now asleep in my room, nakatulog syang katabi ang daddy nya.
ayaw pa nga nya ito paalisin so ion's gonna spend the night with us.
and now we're here at my room's balcony talking.
"i don't understand." he broke the silence.
"what?" i asked.
"i don't understand bakit tumagal ng limang taon na hindi mo sinasabi sa akin ang totoo." he said that made me quiet.
wala akong masabi, all i could do is to just stare at him.
"i know that this is not entirely your fault and i know that i had mistakes in the past too, pero isn't this too much of a punishment?" he turn around facing me..
"i told you a million times, i don't want you to stop chasing your dreams, i know how important for you to achieve your dreams at ayaw kitang patigilin kasi ang sabi mo dun magiging proud ang pamilya mo sayo." i explained.
"what the hell vice? it's my life. desisyon ko yun kung tutuloy ako, i could always stay and study here!"
"bakit hindi mo ginawa?"
"because i thought i had no reason...pinaniwala mo akong wala nang rason para manatili." he sighed.
"for fucks sake i even waited for you to say na you would like me to stay. inaantay kitang sabihin na wag nalang ako umalis, na mahal mo ako at hindi mo kayang malayo sa akin but i never heard those words."
i guess i never thought of if that.
"i want you to stay! i really do..." i muttered.
"you're five years late.." he chuckled sarcastically.
we went silent.
"five years..." he muttered.
i turned to look at him.
"tell me...was it hard?" he asked.
i sighed before smiling at him.
"at first it is. considering that i'm pursuing my career while having her...it was hard." i said feeling the heaviness of our conversation.
"you had your tough times with her..hindi mo lang ba naisip na sabihin sa akin? na you could've called me explain everything and ask for my help? hindi pumasok sa isip mo yun?" ramdam ko ang pang hihinayang at pag sisisi sa boses nya.
"trust me. i tried.. hindi mo alam kung gaano kahirap para sa akin na itago ang anak ko. not only to you but to many people, she's a fragile kid." i said.
"hindi mo ba naisip na sana nagawa ko ring protektahan sya sa mga panahong nahihirapan ka? i could've been there those time you feel like giving up. i would have been a father to her." he explains.
he then sat on the sofa feeling frustrated. all i could do is just stare at him.
"you don't have any idea how much i cried every night praying that it would be easy for me to say the truth to you knowing na you're living your best life in japan, i don't want us to be a hindrance to your success."
"what? saan nang gagaling to, yun ba ang akala mo tingin ko sainyo ni scarlette? handlang sa buhay ko?" he scoffs looking at me like i've made another sin.
"hindi. that's what i thought-"
"thought?! well, fuck your thoughts! vice! do you realize that i feel so useless right now? feeling ko ang tanga tanga kong tao.." he said.
"alam nilang lahat diba? they all knew! ako lang ang hindi and you know what makes me feel? i feel so stupid and useless...i feel like i wasted five years of my life knowing there's a little girl waiting for me to come home. she's waiting for me to be with her and you know what's funny? is that hindi naman sya kilala ng tatay nya. her father doesn't even know she fucking exist." he forced a chuckle.
wala na akong masabi at magawa kundi ang tignan lang sya.
"do you even know how to raise a child?" he rhetorically asked.
i know he's angry and i know too that's he's just controlling his emotions right now.
"and it's my fault..." i muttered.
"vice i never said i-" i didn't even let him finish what he was about to say.
"it's my fault... it's all my fault and i'm sorry, sorry if i had to make a decision na dapat ikaw ang mag de-desisyon. i'm sorry i kept this from you because maybe for once i wanna saw you choose yourself for the first time, sorry i was scared to say that i love you and i want you to stay and be with me...i know sorry isn't gonna make the cut but if there's a word bigger than sorry i would say it. i would even kneel to ask for your forgiveness." i said.
"but don't ever. don't ever question me about raising scarlette, i know that it's my fault you were never there when she was growing up but i know i fucking did a great job raising her. so don't ever doubt me ion." i said leaving him in the balcony alone.
hindi ko na inantay pang may sabihin sya sa akin at agaran na akong umalis na sa kwarto.
i went to anne's room.
"oh? why're you here?" she asked as soon as she opened the door and saw me.
"dito ako tulog." ani ko at pumasok na sa loob at humiga sa kama nya.
"hm? did something happened?" she asked.
"wala naman." i lied.
she then went to the bed and lay beside me before hugging me.
"you should be there, first family night! kumpleto na kayong tatlo." she said smiling.
sana nga ganun ka dali yun noh?
"not yet. i want him to have scarlette tonight, ang tagal nyang hindi nakasama yung anak ko aagawan ko pa sya ng moment?" i chuckled.
"stop lying nga. alam kong hindi kayo okay ni ion right now, kanina nga nung pag dating hindi ka pinapansin hindi ba?" she said.
"pati yun na notice mo? bibig lang naman malaki sayo ah..pati ba mata?" i joked causing for her to roll her eyes on me hitting my shoulder.
"whatever! basta i think you should act okay in front of scarlette whatever your problem is dapat hindi nyo ipakita sa anak nyo yun." anne said.
"okay..." i said.
— — —
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HER | VICEION AU (COMPLETED)
FanfictionVice Ganda a 25 yrs old transgender model comes back to the Philippines after pursuing her modeling career in New York for 5 years and now she's back from her country with her secret daughter.
