Unknown Timeline - Age 7/8
Chad and I are sitting on the couch watching television. I remember it was dark outside and Mom is cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. They are discussing our 2007 Montana Pontiac van and what year they purchased it; you know, those random and harmless conversations. They start to disagree on ether the year or month, I can't remember which. Dad's voice gets louder and that weird feeling in my chest comes back. Please stop, I quietly say to myself while starting to pick at my nails. Mom starts to blurt insults at Dad and fists are starting to slam on the kitchen table.
Chad tells me to go to my room as he rushes into his. I do what he says, he is the only one I trust. I sneak past the yelling and close the door as quiet as possible. I remember my room was a mess as I slouched onto the blankets piled on the floor. I clutch my doll as I hear Dad scream, "You ungrateful fucking bitch!" . Mom tells him to run along to the garage, adding in curse words too. I hear Dad getting his boots out and opening the door. He stops and yells, "You would all be screwed if I woke up dead tomorrow! Fucking screwed!"
Sadly enough, that wasn't the first time Dad said that. He usually says that when he doesn't get his way. He is the one that works all day, pays the bills, buys the toys, and our presence inconvenienced him.
"I'm sorry Dad" I whisper, "I didn't mean to be born"
How did a conversation about the purchase date of a car turn into this? I wipe my tears away on the blankets and take deep breaths to calm myself down. Whenever I listen to Mom and Dad fighting, my stomach turns and my chest starts to hurt. It's an awful feeling, I hate it. At a young age, I knew certain topics of conversations triggered fights like this. It wasn't the first intense fight, but one I vividly remember because of how stupid they got about a disagreement. Usually those fights are about the government, not being able to pay bills, or my dad buying an expensive item for the garage.
I add vehicle purchase dates to that list.
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Disconnected
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