A young philosophers philosophy

How I came to this conclusion of life

I've come to this conclusion on life by realizing that every effort I did was meaningless. I constantly asked myself why I do this. I hated, loved, liked, feared, and more. As a ex christian (baptist) I found wanting to be good and loving to not go to hell so when I did wrong I felt an extreme dread as if the god I thought was real at the time would manifest and cause havoc and chaos in my life. I finally found  that also doesn't matter. I found the logical fallacy in my religion and brutally abandoned it scorning every bit of the thing I believed in when I came to the conclusion it wasn't real (doesn't mean I'm right I just don't care if I was or wasn't). After becoming an atheist I decided to look into other world views to give my life some sort of semi meaning. But I always came to the same conclusion it doesn't matter. Why be a pessimist it seems boring to hate humans for simply believing everyone is "bad", why be an optimist why would I wanna believe there's this "good" in everyone, why believe in another religion and adopt it's philosophy when even if I go to their "hell" or "heaven" get reincarnated, become a god, or commit ego death it doesn't matter. I simply thought after this feral journey why not just live. This caused me to finally enlightened me to just live to just do what I want even if it's considered bad or good cause why does it matter. It was a pretty relaxed journey on the surface to be honest I'm not complaining.