Call Of Duty x Reader ||Open Requests||

Soap x Reader (Angst Pt. 2)

As the days drug on you planned the funeral for Soap, he'd been cremated and stuffed into an urn that you'd chosen for him. Your heart sank every time you looked at it and they expect you to be the one to hold onto it. 

He's been reduced down to a container of ashes - the man you loved oh so much, gone, just like that. The condolences that came from the rest of the team, Gaz and Alejandro showed up to help with the preparations. Though it seemed to you that they just kept getting in the way. They weren't as close to you and Johnny as Ghost and Price had been but them being there did help with the tension. 

The funeral proceeded a week later, attended by friends and family, even the commanders above Soap and Price's heads. Ghost stood by you with your hand cradled in his while he also held onto Samuel's small hand. He kept his eyes on the little boy who looks just like his father and sniffs a bit to try to keep his composure. 

Samuel clutched a small toy that Soap had given him before he'd left for his last deployment, he plays with it oblivious to the magnitude of the loss that he and his mother suffered. He doesn't understand what's going on but he will one day and he'll remember this day vividly.  He'd already been glancing at the urn colored to match Soap's favorite colors, though he doesn't piece together that all of this is for his father. 

The air was heavy with grief as Price spoke words of tribute, his voice cracking with emotion. Ghost, despite his stoic demeanor, couldn't hide the pain etched in his eyes. You, on the other hand, felt like a shell of yourself, moving through the motions with a numbness that only deepened the ache in your heart. Your very being felt empty and your heart felt like it was breaking into a million more pieces with every word that Price uttered about his friend. Your love. Your entire heart. 

As the ceremony concluded, you clutched the urn tightly, unable to fathom that the man you loved was reduced to ashes in your trembling hands. 

Ghost, ever the silent guardian, offered to carry Samuel, giving you a moment alone with Soap's remains. Scooping him up into his arms he holds onto him tightly and waits until you start to move to the edge of the cliff that the funeral had been atop. 

With a sniffle and a wipe of your tears you open the lid to the urn and wait for only a moment before the wind starts to blow past you and you take the chance, dumping the ashes of your husband.

You watch as the air takes him away. Your tears streaming freely yet again as you turn to Ghost and trade the urn for your little boy. Taking him in your arms, you bury your face against his tiny shoulder and hold him tighter to you. He pats you on the head and when you look into his eyes he has a tear threatening to slip down his cheek. 

"Baby, it's okay. Honey, daddy's safe. He's still with papa Mactavish." You smile and wipe the tear the second it falls from his little blue eyes. He doesn't say anything, he just nods, still confused about the situation but knowing deep down that something about it isn't right and that a piece of his own little heart is missing. 

********

Hours later, alone in your bedroom, you cradled the urn against your chest, tears staining the fabric of your black dress. The room felt haunted by memories, the scent of Johnny's cologne lingering in the air, a cruel reminder of the life that had been snuffed out too soon. He'd worn the cologne just for you, he didn't like it very much but he wore only a spritz of it on his clothes and he allowed you to put a little on the pillows and sheets. Just enough for the scent to linger and right now - it breaks your heart as you try to take a deep breath.

"God, Johnny, why?" you whispered to the empty room, as if the walls held the answers. The weight of reality crashed down on you, and you sank to the floor, the pain of loss threatening to consume you. You lean back against the bed and set the urn on the floor in front of you. There was only a small bit of his ashes remaining in the urn. "You should have stayed home this time... I wish you had listened to me..."

Sleep doesn't come easily to you over the next few nights. Samuel didn't sleep well since the funeral, he'd woken up with nightmares and came to your room in the dead of night to see that you were already awake and staring at the urn or watching videos that Soap had sent you months before the accident. He'd jump into your bed with you and snuggle against your chest while he listened to the sound of your heartbeat and his father's voice from your phone. 

"Mommy, I miss him, when is he coming home?" 

You never answer his question, you don't have the heart to. Not yet. You would much rather rip your own heart out than to give him the answers he's looking for. One day. You vow to yourself as you hold him tighter and eventually late into the morning both of you fall asleep. The phone dropping out of your hand and onto the bed while the video replays over and over. 

"I love you both so much. I wish I could be there to hold you and I want you to know that when I get home, I'm bringing so many surprises with me. You're going to love it! It'll be like Christmas but... In... Whatever month it is when I come home. They won't let me leave early on this one but I'll make it to you. Samuel is growing so much. I can't wait to see him. Tell him I love him."

((Wellllp there's part 2 I have enough to make a part three but I might just make you guys wait a bit hehe.))