Helena Bonham Carter - One Shots

Best mother

⚠️ TW: Eating disorder, Bulimia, Suicidal Thoughts, Self-harm ⚠️

●You're Helena's adopted daughter

I opened my eyes with a huge headache. With squinted eyes, I looked around to learn my surroundings. I heard a beeping sound that filled the quiet white room. Wait. Was I...?

Realization hit me as I understood that I was in a hospital. Fuck. What happened?

Just as I asked myself that question, my English teacher, Miss Cassidy came in. "Oh honey! You're awake! How do you feel?" Her face beamed up with happiness and she ran up to the bed as soon as she saw me. "Yeah, I think I'm okay. But- what happened?" I asked with a confused expression. "You can't remember?" I jerked my head 'no' "You were walking around with Amber during break and you passed out. She panicked and rushed for help. We called an ambulance and your mom. By the way, she should be here any moment" My teacher explained as she sat beside the bed on a chair.

"It's fine Miss. You can go now, Mum will probably be here soon" "Oh no honey, I can't. It's a policy, plus, I want to make sure you're okay" I eventually gave up and nodded along.

We sat there in silence for about 20 minutes, with me on my phone and Miss Cassidy on hers, before Mum arrived. I already heard her from down the hall, her platform shoes stomping with each step. I guessed she already asked someone for the room number because she immediately darted inside. "Y/n!" She panted while running up to me. My head was still pretty dull from the drugs, but I immediately opened up my arms and cuddled into mum. The IV stuck to my hand stopped suddenly but I could still embrace Mum.

She smelled like vanilla and roses, like always. I nestled my head in her chest as she sat beside me on the edge of the bed. She embraced me with her head in mine, one hand on the back of my head and the other rubbing my back.

We stayed like this for a few minutes and eventually pulled away. I looked back at the seat and noticed my teacher was gone now. Mum sat back giving me some space but still looking deep into my eyes, trying to read them.

"Sweetie, what happened?" She asked in a soothing voice, genuinely worried while stroking my hand - the one without the IV. "It's nothing-" "It's not nothing! You fainted!" She hissed quietly, starting to get nervous all over again.

"I mean- I just felt weird and then I guess I blacked out. But everything is fine. It's probably something I ate-" "Y/n. I think we both know it's not something you ate. Rather something you under-ate"

I froze. Does she know? But how? I think mum read my pale, panicked face immediately. "I spoke with the doctors you're severely malnourished and dehydrated. Honey. Why?"

I broke down. I couldn't handle her seeing me like this. Vulnerable and weak. Mum moved closer to me to hug but I pushed her away. "No. Leave. Please" I answered with tears streaming down my face. She was shocked and clueless about what to do. I didn't really know what I expected her to do either.

"Pumpkin, I will never leave. You know that right?" She tried to comfort me and let me take my guard down, knowing I always felt safe and loved when she called me 'pumpkin'. I shrugged my shoulders.

Somewhere deep down I knew this but my mind pushed that thought away, making me feel unloved and like a burden to everyone.

"Sweetie, I love you no matter what, okay? You're my sweet little angel and I need you to know that. That you're worth more than anything in the world, that we all love you and need you. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you three" Mum slightly chuckled at the end and I thought it was a joke but Mum knew better than that to make jokes at this time.

I looked up at her and noticed she was now crying silently, still, with a warm smile plastered on her face.

"What..?" I slowly whispered out. "Please honey, I need you to know that" Mum carried on as if that last sentence was never said. "Mum. What did you say?" "Can you promise?" I started getting nervous that she kept ignoring me and kept doing her own thing. "Mum! What. Did. You. Say!?" I now yelled angrily as tears started uncontrollably streaming down my face but I just kept my focus on Mum.

"Promise me first" I was trapped. Did she just say that to force me to promise? "I promise. Tell me" I gave in. I would eventually, someday anyway.

She sighed and took my hand, putting her head down to avoid eye contact with me. "Yeah, I had a few bad thoughts years ago. I was going to umm... end it, actually. But something that night stopped me. Like some angel held me back. So I decided to give life 1 last try and then boom, 2 days later I found out I was pregnant with Billy. After birth I had severe postpartum depression but the only reason I didn't let it win was him. Billy held me back. Gave me a reason to keep going. Not for me, for him. And then the same thing repeated over and over with you and Nell"

I was stunned. I had no idea Mum went through all that. "And then?" "And then it was fine for a while. Until the whole 'Tim situation' happened. It got even worse than before but I just kept it together in front of yous. Soon enough it got better and now I'm fine" I looked shocked at Mum. My eyes swelled up with tears once again.

How did none of us ever notice this? Mum and Dad broke up nearly ten years ago. So we were all little when Mum felt worse again, but that of course doesn't last a day. We should have known. Helped her...

"Can you now tell me what happened with you?" I slowly nodded and took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts. "Well, uhm... I'm kind of... I'm struggling with food. I feel guilty each time I eat something and often enough, I throw it back up. I'm sorry" I cried out now putting my knees up to my chest, hoping to disappear.

"Oh pumpkin. I love you so so much. Don't ever apologize for something like this. I just wish you would've told me sooner. When did this start?" I looked deep into her eyes, knowing the next thing I will say will probably shatter her heart. "About 7 months ago" It didn't shatter. But through her eyes it seemed like it did. "But there's more. I also self harm"

She backed away. Great, it's over. She's disgusted and will probably start yelling and fuck knows what else later. I put my head down, trying to block whatever was coming, away from me. But instead, Mum stayed sitting and visibly processing everything.

"Where, honey?" She questioned in a sweet voice, completely out of the blue. "Wrists, upper arms and lower stomach. So low that even when I wear a two piece bikini it's not visible" I truthfully confessed and waited for a reaction only to hear a gasp. "Shit. I didn't hurt you honey, did I? With the hugging-" "Hurt me!? Mom, you're saving me! And that hug? I needed it more than ever" I cried out, releasing the fear I had of losing her.

"But you said you have scars on your arms?" Mum questioned, slightly confused "Yeah, but they're old so they don't hurt anymore" I only realized what I said when it was too late.

"Old? How old?" "A bit over a year" "Oh baby, I'm so sorry" She pulled me into another hug and after letting her I pulled my head up and asked "You? Sorry? For what?" She had absolutely nothing to be sorry about. "For making you feel like you couldn't come to me. I'm such a terrible mother..." Mum trailed off and put her head down. Oh my fucking god, now she's blaming herself. "Mum! You have nothing to apologize for.It's not your fault. You're the best Mum ever"

We stayed cuddling together for another while until the doctor came in, giving me the discharge.

After that day, Mum found me a therapist and tried her best to help me recover with both self harm and eating disorder. I will forever be grateful for having such an amazing mother...

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As I was writing the part when Helena apologizes it reminded me of Sarah in Heartstopper when Nick comes out so ig that was sorts my inspo lol

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