It's A Jungle Out There

Chapter Twenty Two

Chapter Twenty Two

Once the decision is made, it's like everything else becomes so much clearer. How I haven't noticed that Peeta is the right person for me is beyond my comprehension. Now that I have realized the truth, I don't intend to let him go. It won't be easy . . . that much is clear. But I'm willing to fight for it and I know Peeta is to.

I take Clove to visit Peeta the day after we kissed. We haven't talked about it. We don't need to. I think Peeta understands-if not with a twinge of amazement and disbelief-that I want to be with him. I want to be his girlfriend. I want to look after him just like he will look after me. It's a lot to understand without a conversation, I get that, but Peeta and I were never really platonic, were we?

Clove brings flowers. She clutches them so tight in her hands that her pale knuckles have gone bone white. The freckles on her hands stand out like a million spots on her skin. She's nervous. It's odd, I've never seen Clove nervous before. Usually she's the calm one. The one with the level head. The thought of confronting someone she has mistreated for years has gotten her riled up and anxious, worried about how Peeta will respond to her apology. I know how he will respond but when I try to convince Clove of his good nature she doesn't believe me. She doesn't think she's deserving of his forgiveness.

"You'll be fine," I insist as we reach Peeta's door. "He'll be grateful for you visiting him."

Clove shakes her head and shudders. "He's gonna hate me," she says.

"No, he won't," I reply. "Come on."

The first thing I find myself doing when I enter Peeta's room is instantly going to his bedside and kissing him. It takes him by surprise-like he hasn't accustomed himself to the idea that I want to be with him in this way-but that is only for a moment before he returns it. Honestly, if Clove weren't here, I could kiss him all day. His lips against mine ignite a fire I've never felt before.

Clove isn't alarmed by my affection towards Peeta. In fact, I see a ghost of smile. Like she expected it all along. I slide into the seat beside Peeta's bed and gesture to my best friend. "Clove wanted to visit you," I say. "She was worried about you."

"I brought lilies," Clove says, stepping forward and practically thrusting her bouquet up Peeta's nose. "I wasn't really sure what's a 'get well soon' sort of flower so I just bought what I thought looked the nicest."

"You didn't have to get anything, Clove, really," Peeta smiles, accepting the bouquet from her. "Thank you, they're lovely."

Clove blinks. She obviously expected yelling. For Peeta to scream at her about how inconsiderate it was for her to burst into his room and act like she wasn't an asshole to him. I did tell her that that wasn't going to happen but I suppose it had to happen before her eyes for her to fully understand.

"Clove also has something else to say to you," I explain, touching Peeta's hand and intertwining our fingers. I smile encouragingly at Clove, trying to ease her anxiety about this whole ordeal.

"I'm . . . sorry, I've been wrong to treat you the way I have all these years," Clove says, stumbling over her words like a drunk giraffe. "If I'd known you'd taken to heart so badly I would never have done it. I know that's not a good excuse because I clearly didn't think you'd laugh it off or think it was a joke but I didn't mean for you to get ill because of it." I'm startled by how distressed she becomes, just from admitting all this to him. Tears are glistening in her eyes and she presses the heels of her hands against them to ward it off. "I'm not a horrible person, I'm really not!"

Peeta's eyebrows are scrunched up with concern. "It's okay, Clove. I understand"-

"It's not okay though!" Clove interrupts. "How can this be okay?!" She gestures around her, at the hospital room and Peeta's bed. "Nothing about this is okay in the slightest! I am an awful person for doing this to you, Peeta. We all are! I'm so, so sorry!"