Dont Blame Me

Chapter 21

Chapt 21

I'm stewing.
Nana used to make this god-awful stew when I was young. It smelled like a dumpster fire and tasted even worse. My attitude is about as foul as that stew right now.

"I don't even know her name," I groan, my voice muffled by my hands. They've been glued to my face ever since Ashley got here, and I confessed she broke in again.

I haven't gotten around to what happened yet. There's not an ounce of courage in my bones. She's been patiently waiting, knowing that I'm holding something back. Something terrible and shameful. And something I can't stop fucking thinking about.

"You fucked her, didn't you?" she asks calmly.

My eyes bulge, and I unglue my hands from my face so I can pin her with a glare.

"No, I did not fuck her," I snarl, as if she's suggesting something insane and I didn't come really damn close to it. I can feel the blood rising in my cheeks and my left eye twitches.

Fuck. Ashley knows that's my tell.

"You did!" she bursts, standing up from her chair and looking down at me with shock.

"I didn't! I promise," I rush out, grabbing her hand. "But... something did happen."

She puffs out a breath and settles back down in her chair, scooting back into the island in my kitchen and grabbing her margarita. She sucks down two huge gulps, trepidation on her face.

"You sucked her?" she guesses, lifting a hand to fiddle with her nose ring.

The images those words just put in my head have my blood pressure rising to dangerous levels. I bite my lip and shake my head slowly, the guilty look still present on my face.

"She sucked you?"

When I just stare, the guilt in my eyes burning brighter, her mouth pops open and her eyes round.

"Bitch, what the fuck!" she shouts. She leans in closer, an unreadable emotion flaring in her eyes. "Was it consensual?"

And this is where I get tripped up. Because I'm still not sure if it was, I knew I provoked her while sending her those texts. I know if she kept going, had she stripped her clothes from her body and fucked me -I can't say with absolute certainty that I would've stopped her. Or that I would've wanted to.
Still, I shake my head no.
Fury flares in her sage eyes, and her lips twist into a snarl. I lean back, honestly a little afraid of her.

I put my hand on hers. "Ashley... I-well, I think it wasn't consensual... at first?" I say the last part like a question, embarrassed that I'm even admitting something like that.

She blinks. "At first," she echoes. "Meaning what? She was that good that she changed your mind?"

My hands cover my face, but she forces them away, nearly bumping her nose into mine as she intently waits for an answer.

"You have such pretty eyes," I tell her.

She snarls at me. "Spill, slut."

I close my eyes with a resigned sigh. "That woman ate the soul out of my body, and I don't think I've gotten it back yet."

She jerks back, surprise in her pale green irises.

"I know, you can judge me. I'm judging me too," I say pitifully. I slide her margarita over to me and finish it off. Mine's been gone since I first told her he broke in.

"Baby girl, I am not judging you. But let me get this straight. You egged her on in a text because you felt like a bad bitch. And then she broke in to make good on her promise, tied your ass up, and you freaked out at first, but then ended up riding her face?" she summarizes slowly.