Soukoku Oneshots

The day that I lost you

Summary:

Chuuya leaves and finds out Osamu killed himself by finding his gravestone

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Time had frozen. Osamu's ears were ringing as his teary eyes stared at Chuuya with nothing but heartbreak and betrayal. The smaller man was leaving, finally tiring of making sure that his now ex fiancé didn't kill himself. He'd called off the wedding, which would've been in two weeks time. Just looking at Osamu, crying on his knees, made him nauseous. He felt anger and disgust as he couldn't understand why Osamu would want to kill himself, when all he was doing was hurting Chuuya. He just couldn't grasp what was going on in his head and he felt suffocated and irritated whenever he looked into Osamu's eyes. Sure, he felt a slight pang of guilt when he looked at the man's quivering form, but any and all attraction to him had all but disappeared.

Walking around the apartment to gather his things, he felt a rush of relief. He could finally stop worrying about Osamu now and focus on himself. He didn't care if he died anymore, for all Chuuya knew, the cutting and suicide attempts could all just be an act for attention, which did seem like something Osamu would do, if he was being honest to himself. Pausing as he passed the medicine cabinet, he had an idea. Osamu had been better since he got put on some new meds.. what if.. what if he just.. helped Osamu along with his plans? He wouldn't notice they were gone until the next day, and by then, Chuuya would be a few cities over, with no way for Osamu to contact him.

Walking from the bathroom, he poked his head into the kitchen, where Osamu was sipping from a bottle of Spirytus at the kitchen table. The brunette was staring into nothing, his hands trembling from how much he'd been crying. The sight was too much for Chuuya, the man turning away on his heel to head to their bedroom. Upon entering with a few suitcases and closing the door behind him, that's when his own tears fell. Soft sniffles turned into muffled sobs as he looked at the photos on the wall. Osamu's birthdays, and his own. The day Chuuya had proposed. All their holidays together. Every day out, every party. His head spun, the man reeling as he choked on his tears. Pulling each photo from the wall that had him or them both in it, Chuuya tore them up. He kept the segments that had himself in them, tossing the rest on the floor. Except one photo. Their engagement. He put that in his bag, intact, for himself.

Wiping his face, he took a deep breath before packing up his belongings. If staying was hard, leaving was damn near impossible. His heart pleaded and screamed at him for him to take it all back, to wrap his arms around the crying man in the kitchen. To nuzzle his face into his neck and apologise until they were both clinging into each other. But his head was louder, screaming for his pounding heart to shut up. To stop making this harder than it needed to be. Hands shaking, he picked up one of Osamu's shirts that was tossed carelessly on the bed. Holding it to his face, he breathed in the scent of him. That musky cologne that he'd grown to love. Without thinking much about it, he carefully folded it up and placed it into a suitcase, wanting at least some part of him if this was truly goodbye.

After finally packing up the last of his things and bringing them to his car, he walked back into the apartment. He only wanted to drop off his key, but he wanted to see him. Just a glance couldn't hurt, right? Leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen, he fixed his gaze onto Osamu. He was clearly very drunk, soft sniffles being the only sounds that Chuuya could hear over his own hammering heartbeat. Slowly, Osamu turned his head toward Chuuya, his face blotchy and tear stained. His words were slightly slurred, his voice cracking as he murmured

“I’m sick of missing you when you’re right here.. Could you stay a little bit longer?.. I.. I just.. Tell me you don’t want to leave. Say I’m enough to make you stay. I know it’s not true, but please just say it...”

Chuuya just turned away. He walked away from him. He couldn't bear hearing that tone. That broken voice. It hurt too much. He knew this was goodbye, an uneasy feeling in his gut as he closed the front door behind him. Getting into his car, he rested his head onto the steering wheel for a few moments whilst he tried to hold back his tears. He was the one ending this, why was he crying? He couldn't understand it, but he knew that it hurt to say goodbye to his first love. Pulling out of the car park of the apartment building, he headed to his new place, an hour or so away.

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It was about a week later when he called. He tried to call Osamu, to no avail. It went straight to voicemail every time he rang. Instead, he rang the weretiger. Atsushi. if anyone knew why Osamu wasn't answering, it was him. It took a few times, but he eventually picked up. Speaking softly, so if Atsushi was around Osamu, then the brunette wouldn't know it was him calling.

"Hey, weretiger; I'm sorry for calling while you're at work, but I can't reach Osamu, and I was wondering if he was okay? Did he change his number or something?"

"I.. No, he's.. he's been missing for a few days now.. Nobody has been able to contact him at all. We have people searching for him, but we don't.. It's not looking good at all. I'm sorry, but I need to go, meeting is about to start and I can tell this won't be good at all."

And with that, Chuuya was left in silence again. Worry and panic sent a chill through his bones, a shiver running down his spine. Those ominous words hung heavy and thick in the air like a blanket. Akutagawa had heard, the sound of glass smashing against the wooden floors ringing out. The man was trembling, his face pale and his eyes watering. Chuuya quickly bolted to him, gently pulling him away from the glass and into a hug, the taller man clinging to Chuuya like a lifeline. Fear held both of them in a vice-like grip. Neither men could move, even breathing was hard. Sure, Chuuya wanted him dead in the moment, but now? Facing that reality was like a nightmare he knew he couldn't wake from.

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Time passed in a blur. It had been two weeks since he'd last called, he didn't think he could handle the news of if he'd been found or not. If he was alive or not. He couldn't think about that right now. Walking out the door, he headed to the old graveyard, since that's where he knew his new hunt would take him. He wanted to get there first. Give him some time to clear his head before the kill

Pulling his coat tighter around him at the suffocating chill, he noticed a stone that looked almost.. new. He quietly murmured a prayer as he approached to read the name, but.. Time seemed to freeze on him. The harsh wind turned quiet and still, the leaves on the trees silent as he felt his world come crashing down.

Osamu Dazai
2001-2024
“Though he fought to live, the world was just too much to bear.”

By: YourAverageBSDReader