Therapist, Audrey Edwards, has a new client. She's worked with ex-soldiers before, but none quite as intriguing as the enigmatic James Buchanan Barnes.
"i found love
where it wasn't supposed to be,
right in front of me."
- I Found, Amber Run.
Sl...
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"can't you see it's you i'm watching? i am hot for you in every way." - Move Your Body, Sia
☾
I greatly enjoyed talking to Bucky in a more casual and relaxed manor over the weekend. Any subject open for discussion, no one-hour time limit. We really got to know each other better.
He even became Bucky, instead of James.
I started using his nickname for Bear, as the dog responded to Bucky more, compared to James. But somewhere along the way, it stuck. I like it, it suits him.
Everything with him felt so natural. We were practically joined at the hip the whole weekend and never once got sick of each other.
It was a beautiful weekend. Special. Sacred almost. I don't think I've had that much fun since before the blip.
But now it's Monday again. Back to reality.
Only, Bucky is my first client of the day. So I get to ease back into reality.
He walks into my office and makes himself at home, now more than comfortable in this room and my presence.
He seems in a chipper mood, too.
He informs me he slept on his couch last night and it's obvious he's chuffed. Happy for him, I praise and admire his progress and he smiles, almost proudly.
Seeing him pleased with something he has done, warms my heart and soul.
Bucky also tells me that he's planning on using Netflix this evening to watch more movies.
"Oh, that reminds me-" I say. "They're re-showing the movie Jurassic Park at the cinema this weekend, for its 30th anniversary. I'm currently going solo, so, if you're interested, feel free to join." I put pen to paper, writing today's date in my notebook, while Bucky thinks over my offer.
"Now, back to why we're here-" I continue, bringing us back into session. "I'd like to talk more in depth about your time as the Winter Soldier and what you remember. You've mentioned before that you remember it all. I'd like to work through that, work through accepting the lack of control you had, and letting go."
Bucky starts to talk about his HYDRA memories, but I can tell he's holding back still, his voice full of shame. Once I remind him that I care more about how he feels about what he did than what he actually did, he stops holding back.
If not for the weekend we just shared together, I don't think he'd be as open. Which makes me all the more grateful for our time spent together.
He's improving, he's progressing and it fills me with so much joy. I'm elated for him. Whether he sees it or not, he's healing.
This is why I do what I do.
Today's session has been a little taxing for Bucky, though. It's a tough subject. He's ashamed of his Winter Soldier past, ashamed to admit who he once was forced to be. But he's done very well and given so much. I couldn't be prouder.
