But Then I Fell in Love

Chapter Eleven

It took time for Yoongi to get acclimated to his new life. He'd been living in such an abusive environment for so long, he'd picked up habits that he hadn't even realized.

Despite knowing their apartment was his home and that he could come and go and do as he pleased, Yoongi would ask Namjoon if he could do things before he did them. He asked if he could eat. He asked if he could take a shower. He asked if he could go to sleep. He even asked if he could go to the bathroom. Simple, every day tasks that one wouldn't even think about before doing were a cause for panic for Yoongi. He didn't want to do anything that had gotten him in trouble with Chul. He'd always had to ask Chul for permission to do things. His life had been so dictated by Chul, that he even feared doing things when he was alone.

Luckily, Yoongi was still willing to go to therapy, and he began seeing Dr. Kang regularly. And true to his promise, Namjoon went with him every time. It was beneficial for Namjoon as well, seeing as he was living with Yoongi and was the one being asked if Yoongi could do everything. Knowing it was normal and how to handle it was a great comfort to Namjoon. He just hoped his friend's life could return to some semblance of normal soon.

Yoongi still had nightmares, and there were nights where he and/or Namjoon would be sleep deprived. He didn't like talking about them or telling anyone what happened in them. He didn't even like to tell Dr. Kang. She was patient with him, and let him know that when he was ready to talk about it, they could work through some of his fears that were manifesting in his dreams. Deep down, everyone hoped he would open up about it soon because they hated seeing Yoongi suffer this way. But in the end, they just had to give him time.

Raised voices were another thing Yoongi feared. Even if they were excited or saying happy things, he would get nervous. It only took once for the exuberant Hoseok to see his friend cowering in fear from him to reign himself in. Going out in public was difficult for a while, as no one could control what other people did or said. There was one time where they'd all had to leave a restaurant in the middle of their meal due an argument a couple was having at a nearby table.

The worst part for Yoongi's friends, however, was the self-deprecation. If Yoongi did or said anything wrong - such as drop something on the floor or even just pronounce a word incorrectly - he would dissolve into a mess of calling himself things like stupid and worthless. It would sometimes even escalate to the point of a panic attack if he concentrated on it too hard and couldn't move past it. When this would happen, they were all witness to another habit he had picked up; one that only Seokjin had seen before. Yoongi would thrust his hands into his hair and violently pull at it. Sometimes, he would even pull tufts of it out. It was so distressing and difficult to watch, that sometimes some of his friends had to walk away before they themselves fell victim to the anxiety it could cause.

His friends were all very understanding and patient, though it was strange and difficult to see the Yoongi they knew as strong and tough succumbing to fears and being reduced to tears so easily. They knew it would take a lot of time, empathy and therapy to rebuild who he had been before Chul.

-

"Hey, Yoongs, can you come into the living room for a minute?"

Yoongi was in his room, wrapped up in a blanket and working on breathing exercises when he heard Namjoon calling him. He hurriedly extracted himself from the blanket, but he didn't make it into the living room before Namjoon called him again.

"Yoongs?"

"I'm sorry!" Yoongi said as he rushed into the living room. "I'm so sorry, I just – "

Yoongi stood stock still. Jungkook was sitting on the couch next to Namjoon.