the kids in the dark - stray kids

4: thank you for being here

"i wouldve rather lived with him than my own dad. until i called him dad to see what happened and he..." jeongin didnt finish. he couldnt.
"it's okay, take your time."
jeongin looked at everyone before looking back down at his hands.
"he didn't say anything. he just stayed quiet. the smile dropped from his face and he didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. i'd try talking to him, but he wouldn't budge. he still did everything like normal, just without the talking. he'd listen when i spoke, but he'd never respond. so i went to bed crying about it like any kid would do. when i woke up the next day and went to his room, a note was on his bed that was for me." jeongin took a deep breath, he had never told anyone the full story of suho. what the letter said, or why any of this even happened.
"i read it, got confused, and went into his bathroom. when i opened the door i saw that he'd killed himself."
everyone looked at the younger in shock.
"what did the letter say?" jisung asked.
"that's personal, ji." chan whispered.
"no, it's alright. i'm not ready to tell you guys the whole thing, but i can tell you the last thing he said."

"i can't do it. not again. i'm sorry, kid. here's some cash."

"he let a few thousand won and that was it." jeongin said, sighing.
"you remember that?" felix asked.
"yeah, the whole thing is engraved in my brain, i could recite it in my sleep." the younger admitted.
the only reason he did, was because he'd stay awake days at a time trying to find something, anything, that could tell him more about what went wrong.
for a long time, he believed he was at fault. but deep down now, jeongin knows he's not the one to blame.
"i wish i could've read my sisters more." changbin said, a visible red tint appearing across his cheeks, revealing he was close to tears. though none escaped.
"what happened to it?" jeongin asked.
"i don't know."

after their entire discussion, the eight decided to settle down for the day.
hyunjin and felix going off to their room to watch a movie while chan and jeongin went out for a date.
date meaning, finding a random parking lot and having sex.
jisung and changbin passed out in their room after the whole discussion.
the couple had discussed further in private, leading to an exhausting end.
but seungmin was still sat on the couch.
in the same spot.
not moving a muscle.
he was caught up in his own thoughts, images flashing in his mind like a roll of film. his cheeks were raw from him gnawing on them without even realizing.
"hey."
seungmin jumped at the sound, covering himself and snapping his head towards the source.
when he saw his beautiful boyfriends face, he completely relaxed. he didn't even remember being there so long. he could breathe, his throat wasn't dry, his head was clear.
"hi."
"what're you doing?" minho asked, slowly sitting next to the younger in the couch.
"i don't even know. i don't remember being here this long." seungmin said with a weak laugh.
"what's on your mind, my love?" minho took seungmin a hands in his, rubbing the back of the youngers scarred up knuckles.
"him." seungmin said, his throat tightening.
minho could hear the emotion in just that one word.
when it came to seungmin brother, and the topic of him, minho would become furious. because the sick bastard is still a free man, never having to face a single consequence.
"he's not going to hurt you again, minnie. i promise you." minho said, taking the youngers face in one hand.
"you don't know that. he could come back for me. he could find me. he could find my address, where i work, my friends, oh my god he's gonna find me again."
minho quickly laid seungmin back on the couch, gently stroking his hair back while rubbing his chest.
"breathe, min. you're okay. he's not gonna find you. he's not gonna find us. and he won't find your job. and even if he did, you have seven other people who would murder him in a heart beat, scattered all over this house. don't think for a second that you're unsafe, or in danger." minho explained, trying to calm the younger down.
"h-he'll find my j-job." seungmin sucked in short breaths, trying not to choke out sobs.
"no he won't. i promise. i will make sure he does not step foot in your place of work. you won't hear his voice, see his face, smell his sent. nothing. because he will not be around you, he will not hurt you, if it is the last thing i do. because you know id go to prison for you. homicide sounds justifiable in this case."
the last words caused seungmin to smile, he was so worked up about his past, that he forgot about what he had in the present.
"i'm sorry.."
"for what, babe? for being human? i may not show it a lot, and i may seem like a cold dick, but my love i would walk across fire for you, you have nothing to be sorry for. nothing that happened was your fault. it wasn't your fault."

it wasn't your fault.

it wasn't your fault.

it wasn't your fault.

it wasn't your fault.

the four words echoed in seungmin head like an empty room.
it wasn't his fault.
he didn't tell his brother yes, he tried to fight back. the things he got in trouble for, where the smallest. so small, not even jisung could do them and make seungmin mad.
it wasn't his fault.
he tried telling his parents and they didn't believe him. no matter how hard he tried, he never received the proper help he so desperately needed. someone so young should never have to go through something like that.
it wasn't his fault.
he tried killing himself because he had no outlet. he had no way out. he couldn't leave, he couldn't call police. he had nowhere to go. that was the only decision he had left. taking pills and tearing open his arms didn't work.
it wasn't his fault.
when his brother found him in the floor he dragged seungmin downstairs by the shirt, showing their parents what kind of child they raised. tears falling down his face, blood dripping from his fingers. he was pale and sweaty, ready to go. whether he was in the worst pain of his life or not.
but they decided to send him away instead. sending him to a psych hospital where they treated him like he was crazy for a two years until he finally went home.
it wasn't his fault when they screamed at him for coming home. it wasn't his fault when he ran away. none of it was his fault. because he tried so damn hard to get out of every situation, but no matter what, he was drug back in.
it wasn't his fault.

"seungmin!"
the younger snapped back to reality to see his panicking boyfriend, shaking his shoulders to get a response.
"breathe, babe. breathe."
seungmin didn't even realize he was hyperventilating until minho had mentioned it.
without missing a beat, he hugged minho as tight as possible. he didn't want to let go of the one thing keeping him there. his rock. he kept seungmin grounded. he kept seungmin sane. he was patient and kind and loving. and he will never stop being that way to him.
minho was his foundation.
his happy pill.
everything he could ever need, he had in minho. and he loved every single bit of it.
because to him, minho was perfect. someone who could keep seungmin calm. and he in fact does.
"i love you." seungmin whispered, closing his eyes and taking in the love he feels from the hug.
"i love you, darling."

HI EVERYONE SORRY FOR THE LACK OF UPDSTES I HAVE A LIFE NOW LMAO. I HAVE A BF AND A JOB SO I KEEP FORGETTJNG THIS APP EXISTS. BUT HERE IS A 2MIN CHAPTER. I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY AND IF YOU EANT MORE CHAPTERS SOONER, PLEASE LEAVE SOME IDEAS IN THE COMMENTS YOU WILL GET CREDIT.

I LOVE YOU ALL <33333