𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥

𝟐 || Deep Trouble

" either you run the day, or the day runs you "
Jim Rohn
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𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐇𝐘 had I made the irrational decision of going to the club on a Tuesday – no scratch that on a fucking work night ? Matter of fact why had I even listened to those two minx's whom I call my best friends when they had said that I wouldn't regret the decision?

Because I totally do.

I regret risking myself – no matter how mild it may seem – of a chance of losing a job because of wanting to let all stress and worry slip from my mind for once in my life. A job that I've worked my ass off to both have and maintain. Damnit, I can't just let loose and not think of the consequences that may come in the aftermath. Namely the ginormous headache that pounds oppressively against my skull, feeling as if it's ripping through each and every part of my brain and nerves. I'm so close to just ripping my eyeballs out and stuffing my fingers in to subdue the pain. But being utterly realistic and down right reasonable I settle for the latter and instead chug down another two pills of ibuprofen.

A shit ton of work sits at the edge of my desk, adding more stress to my already fucked up day as it lays there in color coordination, along with that going top to bottom from ones needing most of my energy and attention to those that don't. I eye them with a hand on my temple as I half contemplate starting them off or taking a mini break — despite only having started work an hour or two ago — and heading upstairs to grab yet another cup of coffee for the day, while also wishing that I could disappear, vanish and continue on the much needed sleep that was rudely disrupted by my alarm this morning.

Releasing a deep breath, that I may or may not have held in for the last minute or so, I make my decision as I place a hand onto the mouse connected to my desktop, sliding through many tabs that I have had opened since I first sat at my desk not too long ago. The tabs contain virtual information recorded for each of my patients, and the past sessions I have had with them, along with that the progress I have seen compared to when they first started their sessions with me.

It should be no surprise that as my chosen profession being a Psychologist, that my day to day mainly consists of noting, researching, highlighting, developing, communicating, providing, and repeat. It is crucial that I'm always in the right state of mind when working — even while doing the simplest tasks that could be considered light work — to better help my patients in various ways concerning their circumstances. I'm constantly looking for changes in their behaviors and any signs as to if what I may be recommending them to practice is taking a positive, negative or neutral affect on them.

So to sum it up I'm always at an edge, where I feel like I have to perform to the best of my abilities all so that I don't tip myself or my patient over the edge, or more so that I won't have my parents bugging me about my failures.