The Posthumous of Serena Garbow

Max

I can't believe I just walked out like that. It felt so liberating. That poor girl though. I knocked her over and I didn't even try to help her up. She looked so confused about what had just happened.

"Max, wait," Marius yelled

"Go away, man. I just need a moment to myself."

"What is going on with you?"

The circus village was busy with sounds of acts practicing, kids riding their bikes, zigging and zagging in front of me. Clowns outside yelling - laughing. I dodged each child as they swerved around my feet. I tried to drown out the clowns. I was feeling trapped in this world. The noises, the laughter, the yelling, and more than anything Marius' feet on the ground as he ran after me were deafening. My heart raced. I heard Marius getting closer. His steps were getting louder, coming down on me. I tried to run faster to get away, but my legs were burning, my heart- racing, my chest- tight. Then there was a tug on the hood of my hoodie. The collar rose to my neck, pinching against my skin, choking me, pulling me back, and down to the ground.

"This is not just about you," Marius yelled as I tumbled to the ground.

"Your family needs you. Iris is going to be out for a week with her sprained shoulder."

"She hurt herself on purpose," I insisted. I knew this wasn't true.

"You know that's not true," Marius gritted through his teeth.

I rose to my feet, "It's only her shoulder. Tati had a concussion and was back working two days later."

"Come on, your father's injury, it's not the same. She..." he trailed off. I could tell he was searching for the words.

"She what," I was so angry, "She sprains her shoulder and she gets to be out for a week. And I... I have to do her tosses and still do mine. I have to work twice as hard because she screwed up."

"You have to stop with this attitude," Marius yelled back. "Look," he placed his hand on my shoulder, "let's go back in and finish practice."

"Look," I mocked him, "it's lunchtime, this ridiculous audition disguised as a practice is supposed to be over by now. I put in my time; I am done. Anyway, I have been researching colleges," I pushed Marius' hand away, "and plan to apply to a few of them this year. This is going to be my last season."

"Are you serious?" I could tell Marius was angry "Why do you want to leave?" He puffed and took a seat on the curb.

"Come on man. You can't tell me you actually like this life."

"I love this life!" He threw his hands up in the air. "We travel from city to city meeting new people," he looked up at me squinting his eyes from the sun, "I love your sister, and this life brought me to her."

"I don't want to hear that nonsense," I said as I sat down on the curb next to him.

"It's true alright." We both stared out across the road which gave us a view to the back of another trailer. As we stared at the trailer we silently watched the kids ride their bikes up and down the street.

"Remember being that young," I said as I stretched my legs out into the street.

"Yeah," Marius said quietly.

"I couldn't wait until I could perform in the ring." I pulled my legs back in crossing them, "What a naïve snot I was."

"You're still a snot."

"What's life like out there?" I asked Marius as I rolled a pebble in between my fingers.

"You don't want a life out there. People are tied down to their houses, mortgages, and bills. They sit behind desks in small little cubes. And on the weekend they spend their time mowing their lawns."

"You're making that up," I tossed the pebble at his foot.

"Nah, it's true. My father drives an hour to work each day. Then he gets to his office and sits at a desk inside a gray box, surrounded by three walls. When time is up he drives back home. Then sits in front of the TV all night," He looked over at me, pauses, and with the most serious expression he continues, "then the next morning he gets up and does it all over again.

He must really have thought that if he kept blethering on with a straight face that I would buy this fabrication. "So if life out there is such hell, your dad must be so proud of you for getting out." I figured I would call his bluff.

"Actually, my father won't speak to me anymore," he said as he rose to his feet. "Don't you remember? He never came to my wedding."

This time I looked up at him squinting because of the bright sun. I did not believe a word of it. There had to be another reason his father disowned him. But, if I left Tati would disown me. I stood; still puzzled. Unsure of what I should believe.

"College isn't all that great. What? You want some old man telling you what to think and how to act all day. Just so you can get a job that takes you an hour to get to, and then sit in a gray box every day. You're more than that." He patted my back, "let's go back in."

"Nah, I need food. It's lunchtime," I stood up and walked away.