Fade Into You

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I woke to the sound of my grandmother unloading the dishwasher

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I woke to the sound of my grandmother unloading the dishwasher. Her early morning ritual had been my alarm clock for as long as I could remember.

I should have felt like a million bucks. It was going to be an interesting summer, that's for sure. Even Spencer Pearce hadn't thrown that much of a wrench into my reign of the two-piece.

I was still excited. I should have been. But my stomach flipped when I replayed those blue eyes burning into mine for the hundredth time since last night. Relax! It's not like I would bump into Adrian in the hallway. Honesty, I wished I would.

Passing by him with no nod of recognition over what we'd done... as if all were normal under the umbrella of Pure Pines' would have honestly felt better. It would have given me a catch and release, the way I imagine people addicted to pain must feel. The idea of the devil-you-know, or some messed up shit like that. Ugh!

Not knowing if what happened in his room between us meant anything, or if it mattered to him was pure agony.

That, and how do you go from being the most innocent of all your friends to an act that curiously teetered on slutty? He wasn't my boyfriend. What base even was that? Third? I had been on proper dates sure, not many, but none had ended in so much as a good night's kiss, much less that position.

Was it weird or worse of me that I never wondered if he did this with anyone else?

Maybe I was just naïve to think it was something reserved for the two of us. Was it odd that I wasn't ashamed or didn't feel like a freak? It felt natural with him, even though basic human requirements like a conversation or general respect didn't.

I made it through my first exam period. It was AP English, and I already had an "A" plus. Again, I should be happy.

"Hello! Earth to July! My God you're hard to track down. I looked all over for you this morning at break." Lynn joined my maneuver through the hallway with the enthusiasm I should have had this morning.

"I went straight to the English hall when I got here."

"Well, spill! What happened?!" I stopped— dumbstruck— staring back at her. It was all I could do to keep from saying, which part?

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