What is this emotion. I cannot put it into words. I can't even describe how weird I feel, but in a good way. I can think and say and do what I want. I feel supported in my decisions. I have people who make sure I still exist. I can go where I want. I am called what I'm asked. I can portray the real me. I don't have to hide behind a mask. I can be myself without having to adhere to the rules of someone else. This is weird. This is insane. I can't tell if I'm crazy or not. Is life like this for everyone and I've been missing out. I'm having a crisis over feeling like this even though it's positive. Is it self sabotage to want this foreign feeling to stop? I'm not use to this and I don't know if I ever will be.
I want to disappear to figure this all out, but is that ok? I don't know if anyone knows why I'm feeling this way. It's complex, it's difficult, it's overwhelming. I don't know if I can handle this after more than a decade of normal. But this is the new normal. This is ...
I don't even know what to say.
I have all these thoughts and feelings and experiences. But it is all so much and I don't think anyone understands. I wish I could just put it into words
I'm so frustrated I want to cry
I've been told what this feeling is but I can't accept it
There's no way this is real
It tiptoes on the line of reality
Teetering
Back and forth
Back and forth
Happiness
I don't think that's the right word but society tells me it is
The frustration is unbearable. I've never felt like this before, I've never felt a way I couldn't describe before
Except
That one feeling
It makes your chest hurt, your throat close, your mind numb, and it's frustrating
So frustrating you want to break something, so frustrated you have no idea how to even begin to describe it to yourself
So frustrated you can only think to stop it one way
This feeling is the same but different to the past
Frustration
Frustration
Frustration
In a fundamentally different but identical way
I can't keep writing
I'm loosing my mind
But it's better than the solution I once chose for the other feeling
I'm thinking of it again but it's only temporary
It's not worth being permanent, I think...
YOU ARE READING
Listen to the rain as it falls
PoetryJust poems I wrote, Some are more recent, not quite sure what's going on. I am safe, don't worry, I just need a place to vent in my lowest and highest times. The first 14 were written years ago when I was too young to actually make sense of anythin...
