Silently in love with you- A Radiodust Story

L.

AD.

"How many times have I told you, sit still!" Cherri snapped at me, holding down my arms to attempt to keep me in place. Her reddish hair swung against my struggle. I stared her in the eyes and stuck out my tongue. Then, I sunk down into the vanity chair she put me in.

"That's fucking lame."

"You're lame"

"Ouch."

Cherri rolled her eyes, knowing I was pretending, and continues applying eyeshadow to my eyelids. I smirked, but still felt myself growing increasing bored. Yes, I had insisted the night out, but all this boring before stuff was lame. I'm already gorgeous, so all this extra stuff was unnecessary. Before arriving I had applied a light layer of eyeshadow and lipgloss, along with a party dress. Cherri Bomb didn't take to that too lightly, dragging me inside and pushing my ass into a chair. She's such a hassle, but I love her.

"Are you done yet? I already told you I was fine with how I looked before!" I protested to her dilly-dallying. At this point I'd rather go shoot up a street then go bar hopping. Less effort is needed for that, and more ass-kicking. A lot more entertaining if you ask me. The mobster part of me still lives deep down, and loves to release itself. However, bar hopping is equally as fun. Knowing you could get drunk and not have a care in the world. The only thing that wasn't fun was Cherri's pestering. I know she's just looking out for me, making sure I get to hookup with someone tonight, but like I said before, I'm already effortlessly perfect. I could probably score every lame-o in this bar we are going to without makeup. All I need to do is walk in.

I had to lie to Charlie to be out here tonight, I'm not wasting this chance, no matter what I do. I get it, she wants to redeem me. And don't get me wrong, I'm all down for playing the act into her little party plan! It's just so aggravating to have to sit still and be clean. But, while I lied, Vaggie wasn't even on my ass. It was a win-win situation! No Vaggie, and I get to be out tonight. I wasn't even lying that much when I said I have work, I have it later today. I just asked for some extra time and alluded to it being work, that's all.

Sometimes I do wonder what would happen if I actually cared about Charlie's redemption plan, if anyone did. Would it work? Would heaven- change me? Heaven is such a.. jarring topic. Do they really care for everyone? Are they as magically as they seem? If I was redeemed, would they accept me?

I feel like I'd be such an outcast. The demon who was redeemed. Ha, what a laughing stock.

I'm.. perfectly fine with my life down here. The thrill of dancing on stage. People throw money at me like I'm the last whore in this blasted place. I know people adore me. People love me down here. I'm hells #1 porn star for a reason. A huge part of that is thanks to Valentin. I owe a lot of it to him, actually. Yet I'm still chained down by his protected and arrogant ass. I have to go to the studio later today for a live performance. How spectacular. Even without him in the picture, It gives me such a thrill to see people look up to me. Especially knowing that before most performance I can get high. The lights, the music. It's all such a beautiful disease, and I crave it.

I don't need some pompous stuck up angels looking at me weird. The same ones that murder us ruthlessly every year. Don't they feel something when they do it? Some shame?

This is my fate, and I deserve that. I'm down here for a fucking reason. I'm perfectly fine with that. I never even expected any sort of afterlife. I lived my life fully prepared for a void of black. A empty space of nonexistent. What I wasn't prepared for was death. That was a bit of a surprise for me. I can remember the horror on my face when I feel from the sky's of hell. Having to grasp onto my new surroundings while falling to my new home. It was terrifying. I was terrified. However, I grew used to it. It's painful to admit that this is what I'm used to, and I faintly remember the shell of my old life. I do still cling onto good memories, that is nice. Hell is better than nothing. Honestly, this life is some sort of a reward. That sounds so twisted, in a way. Down here, I get to do whatever I want. Away from my dad, away from everyone. I basically got to start anew.