Dazai x Reader ONESHOTS

Relapse.

This is a request made by @linlcs!

TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE FOLLOWING TOPICS :

Depression
Self-harm

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING WITH THESE TOPICS, PLEASE KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

USA SUICIDE AND CRISIS HOTLINE: 988.

WITH THAT, ENJOY!

Mr. Dazai~

_____

     You yawned, scratching the back of your neck as you got out of bed to go get bandages and find the disinfectant. Your eyes felt heavy. You got the supplies, and went back to see Dazai sitting on the edge of the bed. The way he looked made your heart wrench.

Waking up because of a disturbance, you caught him in the act of hurting himself. Your immediate reaction was to panic, and once that wore off, you didn't know what to feel, let alone how to act. Despair took over as you got a closer look at his eyes. Dull. Emotionless, even. You coughed awkwardly.

"I...I brought the supplies," you said, slowly walking forward as if you were approaching an animal who was scared of you. He said nothing. You kneeled down on the floor. You put disinfectant on a cotton round, and got to work on cleaning. Your mind raced.

You wracked your brain trying to think about why he did this. Was it something you did? Was it something you said that stuck the wrong way?

"I'm not mad." The silence was broken by your own shaky voice. "I was just- I panicked. I'm sorry if I made this worse." You stumbled over your words, starting to gently bandage Dazai back up.

"It's fine," he replied coolly. It was like ice was engraved into his voice. You stopped in your tracks, pausing before opening your mouth to speak.

"Dazai, it's not...That's not okay," you said, continuing after your hesitation. The cleaning was over before you knew it. You got off the ground, letting your arms fall lazily to your sides. "Please, Dazai. Please, just talk to me." He took a closer look at you instead of saying anything first.

Your eyes were full of worry and plea, and your hair was messy because of sleep. He looked at your body. The hot weather left you in a tank top and underwear. You were apparently too tired after work to take off your makeup, mascara smudging under your eyes. However, in his eyes, you were still beautiful. Even with the sheer panic and shock, even with you looking like a mess, he wanted to call you a god. He looked down.

"You don't have to worry," he insisted. You looked down at him.

"It's Odasaku, isn't it?" you asked bluntly. "I didn't wanna be this forward, but...I just don't know how else to ask." Dazai went cold.

He always got nervous when you were able to see through him. Hell, he was terrified when you caught him in the first place. His walls that were even up against his lover crashed into rubble. He's vulnerable.

He's weak.

His eerie silence told you the answer. Yes. You sighed, sitting down by him. Close, but still enough to give him space. He looked out the window at the night sky. He couldn't see any stars or the moon. Just complete darkness.

Something he usually reveled in.

"It's hard," he started. "It's hard even being here without being able to talk to him."

"I know," you replied. "I miss him too." You looked at his head. "But..." you pursed your lips. "I don't think he would want this." Dazai seemed to have stopped breathing when he heard that. He let out a sad, airy chuckle. A pathetic coverup.

"I guess not, huh?"

"Mhm. What I think he'd want...is for us to keep going along with taking care of ourselves," you reasoned. "And stay focused on seeing the light. Just like he's always wanted."

"It is rather beautiful," Dazai said. "Much more beautiful." You nodded your head, scooting a bit closer, then a bit closer. You lightly placed a hand on top of his. Dazai jumped a bit at the unexpected contact. You huffed.

"How about we get some rest, and talk about this tomorrow?" you suggested. "We could both use the sleep." Your lover merely nodded his head, and laid down, letting his tense body go limp. His head landed on a pillow, and you joined him.

What you didn't expect, was to feel him clinging onto you like his life depended on it.

You squeaked at the pressure, but eventually got used to it. You put your arms around him.

"I love you, y'know that?" you said.

"How could I not?" he cheekily replied. You hummed into his shoulder.

Peace. All you two felt for the first time in forever was peace.