Finding Forever

Chapter 4

My relationship with my dad is complicated, but I'm not one of those girls with daddy issues. You won't find me flirting with the idea of stripping to earn a living because I'm so damaged. I've just dealt with a lot of disappointment from him, starting when I was a kid, and it hasn't stopped no matter how old I get. I try not to obsess about how he abandoned me and my mother, or how he cheated on her with her ex-best friend, or how he thinks my mother is crazy because she suffers from depression. I can't think about those things and still respect him as a human being, so I do my best not to focus on those things. I focus on the positives, like how he helps pay for my tuition and how he takes me out for dinner when I return home to Oregon. But sometimes it's hard to forget. Especially when I'm trying to prepare for a Saturday night poker game, my mother calls me in tears again. Her depression came back in full force over the summer, and I was the one left to take care of her, just like I have for the past ten years of my life. Hearing her cry on the other end of the line makes it hard not to resent my father and his fiancé (the ex-best friend). He left her instead of being there for her, and now I'm the one who takes care of her. I'm the one who talks her down, makes sure she attends her therapy appointments, and reminds her to take her medication, even when all seems hopeless in her mind.

Maisie must have overheard my conversation because she walked into my bedroom and sat on the edge of my bed. She tucked her blonde hair behind her ears and rested her hands on her lap before giving me one of her pity stares, tilting her head to the side. She would do anything for me when it comes to dealing with my mother, but she doesn't understand mental illness. She doesn't understand my situation the way Ryan does. He has a sister who has bipolar disorder, and when it comes to who I can confide in and or turn to for support, it isn't Maisie, even though I know she means well.

I glance over at Maisie and gently tell my mother I need to go and I'll call her later. Maisie looks stunning in a pair of painted-on faux leather pants and a white crop top. She is in unbelievable shape. Her makeup is flawless, and her lips are painted a deep dark red. When I hang up the phone, we sit in an easy silence while I fidget with a ring on my finger.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I breathe. "I'm fine. My mom's not doing well right now."

I stand up from the edge of my bed and walk over to my closet, rifling through my clothes. I try to find something I want to wear that will look even as amazing as Maisie's outfit looks on her body. Unfortunately, I don't own anything that sexy.

"You hanging in there?" Maisie asks.

I laugh without much humour and glance over at her, "I've been hanging in there since she was diagnosed when I was only eleven."

"You're still coming to poker tonight, though, right?"

"Yeah, of course."

I select my black ripped jeans and grab a basic gray t-shirt. Maisie frowned, noticing my selection, walked over, and took the clothes from my hands.

"This outfit is sad," she says. She digs through my closet and finds a striped patterned off-the-shoulder blouse I bought on a whim and have never worn. The price tags are still on.

"I think you should wear this instead," her smile grows a bit wider, genuine and mischievous. "You need to feel good about yourself when you are feeling down. Get a little sexed up tonight. I'll do your makeup. You can keep the ripped jeans because they are better than any pair of yoga pants."

"Very funny." I nudge her. I love Maisie's ability to bring me back to normal when sometimes it feels like my life is anything but typical. I also love her ability to make me laugh and her easy smile. Besides Ryan, she's the best friend I've ever had.