Finding Forever

Chapter 11

Little girls' giggling fills the tiny dance studio early Saturday morning when I walk in to teach my beginner's ballet class. Alodie stands at the front of the studio with her back to me, fiddling with the stereo. When she glances up, she sees me approaching in the reflection of the mirrored walls and turns to face me, eyes widening in recognition.

"Oh, Ella," she gushes and hurries forward to embrace me in a hug. "I'm so happy to see you."

I blink, feeling uneasiness bubble in the pit of my stomach. The subtle reminder of bringing Ryan back to my apartment and him ending up overtop of me, both of us kissing and touching everywhere, is almost too much to handle as her big brown eyes search mine for some acknowledgement. I've consciously tried to forget how incredibly amazing things felt that night with Ryan. The last thing I want is to ruin our friendship. But something about seeing Alodie looking so distressed a short week later makes everything come crashing back all at once.

I pull back and get a good look at her. She appears like any girl who just experienced a break-up: puffy eyelids from crying herself to sleep and greasy hair tossed into a knot on the top of her head. A vacant stare from having her heart ripped out still looms in her eyes.

"Sorry I'm a bit late," I say, and drop my duffle bag on the floor. I sit down, pull out my ballet shoes and slide them on. "Traffic was crazy."

"Ryan must have told you he broke up with me," she says, cutting right to the chase. "He tells you everything," she flops beside me on the hardwood floor. I remain silent and lace up my ballet shoes, looking over at her frowning face. "Can you believe the nerve of him to end things with me? After I waited an entire summer for him to return from Australia like some desperate housewife."

"Yeah... I heard you two broke up," I finally respond.

"He said things were moving too fast. That he wasn't sure I was what he wanted anymore," she says, quivering. "He said we weren't in sync. Whatever the hell that means. I'm a catch. Look at me. I'm young, I'm pretty, I'm fun, I'm going somewhere in life. I can't accept that we're done. I should have never asked him to meet my parents," she sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose, trying desperately not to shed any tears. "I thought he was the one," she whispers.

"I feel for you, I do," I lean forward to select a warmup song. "But sometimes relationships just end."

"We had something real, though," she whines.

An awkward few beats pass. I don't know how to tell her she isn't special. Ryan would never commit to anyone long-term. It just isn't in his nature. Before I can decide whether or not to tell her the truth bluntly, she asks, "Is there someone else? Please don't lie to me, Ella. I'll know if you are lying."

My stomach clenches. Of course, there isn't someone else. Ryan may be many things, but a cheater isn't one of them. So then, why do I feel like the worst human being on the planet?

Probably because you had sex with her ex-boyfriend only twenty-four hours after they broke up.

I open my mouth to speak, but my heart immediately takes off, rapid-fire beats slamming against my breastbone. The memory of being with Ryan consumes every jagged breath, but I push it away because it would have to mean something to matter. Which it totally doesn't matter because it didn't mean anything.

You can do this, Ella. You can keep your cool and not blurt out anything stupid. What Alodie doesn't know can't hurt her.

"There isn't anyone else," I finally say.

She lets out the most relieved breath, "Oh, thank God. I don't know what I'd do if I found out he's been sleeping around with someone," she pauses and glances over at me. I swallow hard, forcing down the lump lodged in my throat. "Has he said anything to you about us getting back together?"