Undercurrent

Chapter 8

OLLIE: So when do you want to start this sketching project?

Ugh. I chucked my phone onto my beanbag and collapsed face down on my bed. I hadn't replied to Ollie the other day on the beach and now, after a weird couple of days, I didn't really feel like meeting up with him.

I was still going over in my head how stupid I was for not taking up Ro's invitation and despite my best efforts to ignore it, the guilt I felt for ditching Zach, or at least for letting him think I'd ditched him, was building. It was getting harder to stay on the bus past the stop for the beach. To be honest though, he probably wouldn't be there. Zach was stubborn – he definitely wouldn't be sat there hoping I'd turn up.

"Everything ok, Nini?" I looked up from my pillow and saw Mum stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame, her eyebrows crinkling in that way they did when she was worried about something. This time, it was clear that the something was me. I made a mental note to shut the door next time I decided to full body slam my own bed in despair.

"I'm fine." I shrugged, moving to sit up and cuddling my pillow absentmindedly. "Everything's fine."

"Well, that's convinced me then," she said, her mouth twitching at the corner.

I threw the pillow at her and she laughed as she came and sat next to me.

"Come on," she said. "Spill."

I thought about continuing to tell her I was fine but the look in her eyes told me I wasn't going to get away with it so I sighed in defeat.

"I'm just an idiot, Mum," I said, adding a dramatic wail as I fell back onto the bed. Weirdly, I felt better already. It was times like this that I always realised how lucky I was to have Mum; just sitting with her made me feel better, even though I hadn't even told her what was wrong.

"That doesn't normally get you down," she chuckled, pulling me to sit up again.

"Rude."

"Come on, you'll feel better. A problem shared and all that."

She was right. I knew she was right. "I guess, I just thought I was moving past the Zach thing and making new friends but then, when it was all going well, I just panicked and got in my own head about it. So, I've messed it up, essentially, and now I'm going to spend the next two years at college on my own – just like I spent all of school on my own – and it's all my fault."

I hadn't realised I was crying until I stopped talking and Mum was wiping my face with her sleeve.

"Oh, Nini. I'm sure you haven't messed it up, whatever's happened."

I shrugged, not willing to believe her.

"Ok, then," she took my hands in hers. "What happened?"

"Ro, the girl from the café, asked me if I wanted to do something and I panicked because I felt bad about Zach, so I lied and said I couldn't because I had to work at the café on Saturdays." I sniffed, willing my tears to dry up. "So now, she won't ask me again and I've ruined my own chances to have an actual friend. Again."

"Ah, I see." Mum smiled at me. "Not your best move but I don't think it's quite the end of the world scenario you're describing. Is that why you launched your phone so aggressively? A message from her?"

"Oh, no," I said, pulling the beanbag towards me and grabbing my phone. "No, that was someone else that I've managed to make a fool of myself with. A guy in my art class."

"Dare I ask what you've done there?"

"Borderline assault, I think." I grimaced. "I slammed a door into his face and now I have to work with him for the next six weeks on an art project. He was asking when we can meet to get started and I just can't face it after embarrassing myself like that so I'm ignoring it and just hoping it'll go away."