ONLY ME || Haikyuu x Male

CHAPTER SEVEN

+ TW: Derogatory opinions / talk of mental illness +

Ren stared at his hands as they trembled violently. One of his teammates had draped a towel over his sweaty back to prevent him from getting a chill, but he didn't know who it'd been and at that moment, he didn't quite care.

He didn't think it'd happen so quickly. Barely five minutes on the court and he'd lost it. Everything he'd worked for, all that he'd done to try and prevent it, none of it mattered. He'd lost himself again, and he'd almost hurt Daichi in the process. He was terrible. A terrible, terrible teammate. He was supposed to be an all-rounder, someone for his team to fall back on.

But how could he do that when he was the reason they were falling?

At the very least, Coach Ukai'd pulled him out of the match immediately, and he'd sat on the bench for the rest of the practice game. It was over by now, and the rest of the players were all cleaning up the court while he could only stare at his shaky hands, trying to regain control of his body.

As he was settling down his breathing, a shadow fell over him and with aching slowness, he looked up to find Kenma staring down at him. "I see it still happens?"

"...Yeah. It does."

Kenma shifted to sit down on the bench beside him, eyes still boring into Ren. "Does it still hurt?"

Ren shook his head gently. "Not like it used to. I don't get headaches anymore, but I guess now it hurts in a different way."

Silence settled over them, and Ren could practically hear the gears turning in Kenma's hand as he tried to figure out what to say next.

"You've got a good team on you, Ren. They seem to be helping you through this."

"Yeah. They're pretty great. I just wish that I could be great for them as well."

Kenma leaned forward so that they were making eye contact, and Ren was startled to see the sincere expression on his face. "You can't help this, and you know that. You're great enough as it is. You do as much as you can so that people will trust you and they know that. I know that. I think you're the only one who doesn't realize how hard you work so that you can trust yourself again."

Ren blinked, speechless. He hadn't seen Kenma in so long, and yet he'd been able to say all that as if they'd never been separated at all. "Always perceptive, huh, Kenma?"

"That means I'm right, Ren."

+++++

Ren shuffled onto the Karasuno bus, letting all the other players go on ahead of him. Once he was on board, he made a beeline towards the back of the bus where the last available seat was. Yamaguchi gave him a stiff smile as he sat down, and Ren sighed internally. He must have frightened the poor first year with what happened today, and given that he'd almost slammed into Yamaguchi during his tryouts, the boy must be petrified sitting next to him.

"Hey, if you're uncomfortable sitting beside me, I could ask to swap with someone."

Wide green eyes met his own, and Yamaguchi stuttered out a response. "N-No! I'm fine. I'm just...are you okay, Hasegawa-senpai?"

Returning the response with a raised eyebrow, Ren settled down into his seat, peering at Yamaguchi with bewilderment. "I'm fine. It happens. But are you sure you're okay with sitting next to me? Watching me when that happens...I know it can be scary."

"No! I'm positive that I'm fine! I was just concerned about you. You're the one who had to go through something so scary. Worry about yourself, not me!"